Daddies, have You ever said or done something that was well-intentioned, and “not too big a deal”, but Your little cringes, and becomes either quiet and hurt, or worse angry? Do You stand there in shock, re-playing the last ten minutes in Your head, trying to find where things went wrong? You wouldn’t be alone. Many Daddy Doms find themselves in this exact position on a daily basis. There is nothing worse than an upset little, and not knowing what the hell she is upset about. In those moments, it is very important to remember that Your little is wired completely different than You are!
A little is generally very sensitive, afraid of rejection, easily-affected and influenced by You, genuinely delicate, and is constantly nervous of upsetting You. All of those can either be seen as a burden, or a list of amazing qualities that are rare in many women today. The most wonderful things about being with a little are that she is able to love deeper than most, able to truly open up with the desire for You to nurture her, in need of Your constant protection, and so many more incredible characteristics that would take me all day to list.
Being a Daddy Dominant to a little is no easy task (just ask my Daddy), and takes incredible integrity and maturity. You are never truly done learning new things about her; or discovering her quirks, flaws, and needs. One of those quirks is that she hears and sees things differently than most. What may seem harmless to You, could be heart-breakingly hurtful to her. Below are 10 things a Daddy Dom needs to stop doing in order to protect His tender little girl. Knowing is only half the battle. She needs You to be diligent and wise so that she can trust herself fully in Your big strong hands.
This article is intended for healthy DD/lg couples to better their relationship and dynamic. We often write about love and respect, this list is merely 10 ways to show your Daddy more respect by correcting behaviors that you didn’t even know could be affecting Him (or your relationship). We also want to say, if anyone ever feels that they are in an abusive situation, they should not hesitate to find resources (or help) by calling 1-800-799-7233 (National Domestic Abuse Hotline).
A Dom/sub (even DD/lg) relationship is based on a power exchange dynamic. The Dominant’s role is to dominate over His submissive, and the submissive’s role is to submit to His dominance. There are always hard limits and rules set up before any play or relationship fully starts. These rules and limits are agreed upon by both parties to respect their individual rights, kinks, and fears. At any point during the relationship, either party can choose to walk away for any reason; even if a physical contract is signed. When deciding on the rules and hard limits, both parties need to be 100% honest in what they are and are not wanting. So if the Dominant is wanting a specific type of relationship, and the submissive is not in agreement with that desire (or vice-versa), then it would stand to reason that they would need to either find a compromise (or part ways). No one should ever force or demand the other to break a hard limit, and there should always be the right to add new hard limits at any time. A power exchange relationship is between two (or more) consenting adults. No one is forcing you to enter one; but if you choose to, then you should hold up your end of the mutually decided-upon dynamic.
If you are a regular follower of our blog, you would know that we are in a D/s, TPE (Total Power Exchange), DD/lg relationship. What works for us, may not always work best for others. This blog has never claimed to be a one-size-fits all. We also never say if you disagree with our opinions, then you are wrong. Cumming Without Permission expresses our personal opinions and views, which we discovered on our journey, and what we have learned along the way. We will never be able to please everyone for every single type of relationship, no matter how hard we try, so we do not try to do that. We realize that everyone who reads our articles are in different stages or types of power exchange relationships, and we are only here to provide support and possibly provide helpful tips and advice.
- Breaking Promises
When You make a promise to Your doting little girl, You’d better be ready to follow through. You need to remember that she hangs onto Your every word as if it were law. Simple things, such as promising to help with a task, reading to her, playing a game after work, spending the day with her, watching her favorite movie, are not “simple” things to her. Even if the promises are forgotten, or pushed aside by Yourself, trust me…she has not forgotten about them. There is a high chance that she is still waiting for You to fulfill the promise, or is very hurt that it hasn’t happened yet. Breaking a promise, for her, is up there with telling her a lie. It is vital that she is able to trust You fully, without refrain, and not constantly afraid of disappointment from You. With every broken promise, her trust begins to crack a little bit each time. Eventually, that trust will shatter altogether, and she could just stop believing anything You say at all. You should always be careful with Your wording to her, in order to avoid this disaster. Instead of saying “After work Daddy will take you out to a movie”, instead say “Daddy will do His best to keep the schedule clear so that I can take you to a movie, but remember that I have that deadline I need to meet first”. Changing Your wording slightly saves you both from the possibility of miss-communication. You may not even mean something to sound like a promise, because maybe, You assumed that she knew something could possibly come up and ruin the plans. While it seems logical that she would know that, she may not even be aware of or see in the same importance of whatever the issue is; whereas You have all of the information. If You do commit and make a promise, then something out of Your control changes your plans together, You should be sure to talk with her as soon as possible; and explain that You had no other choice but to cancel the plans previously made. Let her know that You have every intention of fulfilling the promise, and make up for the inconvenience as soon as You conceivably can (giving her a pink sprinkle cupcake may help in this situation). When You choose to say nothing at all, and just assume she will understand, You leave room for hurt feelings and broken trust. Choose Your words carefully and be forthcoming with as much of the information as possible. When everything is out on the table, she can plan accordingly; and set up her expectations practically.
- Refusing To Ask For Help
With the fear of seeming weak, needy, or incompetent, men often refuse (or shy away from) asking for help; even when it is truly needed. This is especially true in the work place, where being the best is highly-competitive, and asking for help can be seen as a weakness for others to use against while climbing their own way to the top. Somehow, it is widely believed that men should know everything, and if they don’t, then they have little worth and cannot be relied upon. That is so far from the truth. The truth is that no one could ever really know everything. The fact that things are changing constantly, every day, makes it impossible to ever have a grasp on “knowing it all”. In the BDSM world where the Dominant is supposed to be in charge and take on the responsibility of training, loving, and caring for His submissive, the common belief is that He has it all together and is wise, mature, and constantly strong. Having that belief will only set everyone up for failure. Every Daddy Dom has to start somewhere, and more times than not, they have little information on how to successfully hold the title day in and day out. What makes a great Dom is having the balls to admit that You don’t know it all, but are willing to learn and grow Your skills each and every day. They will seek out other Doms that are more wise and seasoned, so that they can learn from and ask questions to. Asking for help is wise and mature. Admitting that You don’t know everything shows integrity and strength. Pride does not make a good Dom. Wisdom makes a good Dom, and wisdom is grown through hard work and the sacrifice of His pride.Side note: my Daddy is always willing to lend an ear, and help advise any Daddies needing help or answer questions. You can ask through our questions page. If you are wanting more of a one-on-one conversation, you can ask to keep the conversation quiet, and leave an email address so that He can reply to You directly. We promise to never (ever) spam You.
- Alittle would rather have Your full attention for less time, than half your attention for more time.
Allowing Things To Distract You During 1-on-1 Time
Your little girl counts down the minutes (sometimes even seconds) until You are free to spend time with her. She holds onto that promise of quality time with You as if it were gold or diamonds. She longs to feel important to You, and that she is the center of Your world. It’s hard sometimes, but she understands that she cannot be Your only focus 100% of the time. That is why, when You commit to spending a certain amount of time with her, You should always do Your best to keep her as Your only focus during that time. Bonus Tip: When You are busy with work and other tasks, You should do something to let her know that, even then, You are thinking about her. Send a simple text, an email, or leave a message on her phone during Your lunch break, or in-between meetings; it will mean more to her than You know. After waiting for what seems like forever (in princess time of course), her time with You has finally come. During her time, she has the expectation that You are there for her…and only her. Simply because, to her, that is what You promised. This is not the time to check emails, play on Your phone, take calls, or become easily distracted by other things. It will show her that You do not value time spent with her. If You feel like those things are necessary, for whatever reason, try to schedule them for before or after her time. A little would rather have Your full attention for less time, than half your attention for more time. Checking twitter (or fill in the blank) while she tells You about her day doesn’t seem like a big deal to You, for her, it feels like that thing is more important to You than she is. Over time, continuing to neglect her need for Your attention will push her away from You, and she could seek out attention in other ways or through other people. Be smart with Your time, and plan ahead to make room for her in Your daily schedule. A little should be understanding if it truly is a work emergency, but always try to make up that time with her when You are finished.
- Being Indecisive About Making A Decision
The Daddy Dom is in charge 100% of the time, as is precedented by your power exchange relationship rules. Your little counts on You to make the big decisions, and keep the scary world from crashing in on her. Sometimes she will even need You to make the small decisions as well, if she is feeling overwhelmed. When an answer is needed quickly, a little often gets overly-anxious or worries about what You would want, and is trying her best to guess correctly. When her Daddy is available, it is so much easier when feeling stuck, for Him to just make the decision for her. A good example is that, when Daddy and i used to go to restaurants, i would worry about what to order, and stress over the decision (when we eat out, we generally order two different things so that we can share the two plates). Daddy would patiently listen to me talk myself in and out of decisions, all while i was really just trying to please Him. One day i asked Daddy if He would just order for me. To please not ask me what i want, and please don’t worry if i would like it or not. As long as it was something that He liked, that’s all that mattered to me. At first there were awkward moments when we let the waitress know that we only needed one menu, and i wouldn’t even look while He decided what to order. It took all of the pressure off of me, and i was able to truly enjoy our date. It has taken some time for Him to realize that i honestly wanted Him to make the decision, and not ask me if I would like this or that; but now it seems second nature. A bigger example is that i always ask Daddy permission, before i commit to anything (like hanging out with friends, going to an event, or going shopping). There are times when He gives me an answer that i don’t like, and i get a little pouty (okay maybe a lot pouty. However i am a princess so it is to be expected), but i always remain obedient. When He see’s that i am upset, He will sometimes change His mind. By then, i am set to not do what i wanted anymore, so it becomes confusing when He says “just go ahead and do it”. i just want to be His good, obedient, little girl; so i worry what i should listen to. His first answer? His second? By then, we are both frustrated and stressed out. When a Daddy makes a decision, He should always stick with it to avoid confusion. He should take the time He needs to make a smart well, thought-out decision that protects her and pleases Himself, before giving a response. Once decided, He needs to enforce that decision; regardless of her feelings in the moment.
- Forgetting The Important Stuff
Daddies generally have a very busy schedule, and forgetting some of the information and tasks is inevitable; but, You should always try Your best to remember the most important stuff. You should know the names of Your little’s favorite stuffies, her birthday, her favorite snack(s), what calms her down when she is upset, your anniversary together, her favorite color, her best friend’s name, what she likes when she is sick, and how to make her smile. You should also make it a priority to remember what she says when she confides in You with secrets and important information. It is really hard for a little to open up in the first place, so finding out that You don’t even remember what she said will feel heart-breaking, and give her the idea that You do not value her honesty; or that confiding in You is pointless. When the important stuff is forgotten by the most important person in her life, she will start to feel that she is not a priority. The Dominant is the most respected person in her life, and she wants to feel that she is the most loved person in His. If it helps, start a journal of things You learn about her, set up reminders on Your phone of important tasks, add all of the special dates to Your calendar, or whatever works best for Your lifestyle. No one expects You to remember every little detail of what she says or does, but setting up tools to help remember the most important things will set the precedent that You care deeply about her, and can always be counted on.
- Having Secrets
When in a committed DD/lg relationship, a Daddy Dom and His little should never have secrets kept from each other; ie., sharing passwords, information on your past, pin codes to phones, and a key to each other’s home if you happen to live apart. There should never be a reason to need a password that she shouldn’t know; unless You have something to hide. Girls are very intuitive. Often times, they sense something is wrong before there are ever any real signs. So the argument “Well, if she trusted me, then she never would have gone behind my back to check-up on me. I mean yeah I was cheating, but she is just as much at fault, because she obviously didn’t trust Me in the first place.” is flawed. If You are cheating, keeping a secret, or doing something behind her back, 90% of the time she will feel that something isn’t right from the very start. You should have full disclosure and openness of all devices. If there is ever a feeling of uncertainty, then she can just check your phone or email and calm her nerves. When worry is left in her head and not put to rest or talked about, the worry grows and forms into an evil villain that threatens to ruin everything for her. If there is nothing to hide, then it wouldn’t matter if she checked up on You; so why not let her. The same goes for You, if ever needing to check up on her. When there are no passwords or secrets, there is accountability to each other. By putting up safeguards, there is little chance for insecurities to grow, and they will protect you both from the possibility of infidelity. If a Daddy goes behind His little’s back, or doing something that could potentially hurt her, the probability of her finding out is extremely high. If that happens, where do You go from there? Is it really worth risking it all?Being completely open and honest is a gift you should give to each other daily. When You do so, you are basically saying: “Hey I would never, ever want to hurt you; but I realize that mistakes and misinterpretation can happen unintentionally. So here are my passwords to everything, so that anytime you feel concerned, you can find peace in being able to check everything out. Plus knowing that you could look at any point will keep me from going down a dangerous path, and help me to be diligent about how I present myself in emails and on social media. I promise to do my best to protect our relationship and stay true to you always. I want our relationship to grow and become strong through honest, open communication. I know that trust takes time to build, and I am willing to put it everything out there, so that we are on this journey together. I do not want anything to ever come between us, and I promise to never hide anything from you.” What relationship wouldn’t thrive on this type of openness? Of course there are exemptions to this rule, such as: holiday gifts, surprise parties, or anniversary plans. Those type of secrets are for her benefit, and if somehow she found out, it wouldn’t cause her any harm or put any sort of strain on your relationship. That is unlike her finding out that You have been talking with Your ex for the past few months, and minor flirting was involved; but maybe nothing ever really happened. Finding that out would definitely cause her harm, and put a very large strain on the relationship; possibly damaging it beyond repair.
If You explained upfront that You were communicating with Your ex, and that she could check your phone anytime, the possibility of flirting would be nearly non-existent. You could even take it a step further, and use a group chat or text and include her on the message. That way she is in the loop, and You have accountability to remain faithful.
- Defending Your Mistakes
For a Daddy Dom, admitting that You are wrong about something is probably up there with walking on broken glass. He tends to put an immense amount of pressure on Himself to be a skilled decision maker, who flawlessly completes each task with perfection and precision. Guess what? No one is perfect; not even a Daddy Dom. You are not going to always be right 100% of the time. Mistakes happen, no matter how hard You try. That is life. Growth can only happen through direct action. While You are in the process of growing, You are bound to fuck up every now and then. Learning from that mistake is how wisdom is obtained. With every mistake and misstep that takes place, You learn more and more on how to improve and do better the next time. A mature Daddy Dom who makes a mistake will take on the full blame, and fix whatever was damaged in the process. He will not try to shift the blame onto someone or something else. Even though it is true that people can influence Your behavior, ultimately You are the only one in charge of Your actions. When a poor decision is made and it blows up in Your face, the blame fully belongs to You. Instead of shying away from accusations, You should acknowledge that You made the mistake, then ask for forgiveness and learn something from the experience. Cowering away from being at fault is immature and selfish, not tough and desirable. What Daddies need to remember is that it does not make You less Dominant to say “I made a mistake and am wrong. Please forgive me, I am very sorry.” In fact, when a Daddy Dom admits His faults, it shows everyone that He has confidence, wisdom, and integrity. He will be seen as fully-capable of handling His job title, and His little will respect Him and be able learn humbleness through Him actions.
- Checking Out Other Girls
When He is in a committed monogamous relationship, a mature Daddy Dominant should be intentional about guarding Himself from allowing anyone to steal His attention from His little girl. His little girl is hyper sensitive, and immensely jealous by nature. You are her Daddy, and her Daddy only. There should never be a question about Your desire for her or Your fidelity. It’s easy to remember that physically cheating is bad, and emotionally cheating is bad; but checking out another girl? Is she really that jealous? YES! When Your eyes shift to another woman, Your eyes are off of her and she can feel it. When that happens, she begins to doubt herself. Is she pretty enough? Thin enough? Good enough? What does that girl have that i don’t? Am i not worthy of being the only girl to get His attention? All of that, in the 30 seconds that Your eyes shifted to profile the waitress. When You are a leader and in charge of caring for another person, that means protecting their self-esteem and sense of worth. Ask Yourself, when You look another woman up and down, what are You thinking? Is it, “I wonder what she does for a living?” or “She looks like a very kind person”? Or does, “Look at that ass. I bet she looks so great naked.” sound more accurate? You have to remember, that a person only has so much room in a day to love, succeed, learn, and grow. It is as if time were currency, You only have so much to spend in a day, and You are constantly deciding what to spend those coins on. Taking time to eat breakfast…spent coins. Reading the news…spent coins. Going to work…spent coins. Maintaining friendships…spent coins. Watching TV…spent coins. Devoting Yourself to fully to being a loving respected Daddy Dom who truly cares for and protects His little girl…spent coins. When You start haphazardly spending those coins without much fore-thought, You run the risk of neglecting the more important people and responsibilities that have been entrusted to You on less important trivial things and people. When using Your coins by checking out any girl other than Your little, You are taking away coins that could have been spent on her. A wise Dom will spend His coins by investing in His relationship, building a stronger bond with His little, and bettering Himself as a Man. It all comes down to how You want to spend Your coins. Wisely? Or with selfish actions?
- Being Afraid To Say No
When You have an adorable little who tugs at Your heart strings every time she bats an eyelash, it is really fucking hard to say “No” to her! As her Daddy, You want nothing more than to be her Hero, and give her everything that her little heart desires. Seeing her upset kills You inside. The thing is, not everything that she desires or asks for is going to be good for her. The ability to have the wisdom and willpower to say “No” is a quality that every Dom should possess. Being little, she needs your guidance and knowledge to make good choices; ones that will have a positive effect on everyone involved. Even if saying “No” upsets her (and even when tears start to flow down her beautiful porcelain cheeks), DO NOT GIVE IN. Remember that You are the leader, and she needs to learn to trust Your judgement. Your job is to protect her and care for her; and if hurting her a small amount by saying “no” now will save her from unnecessary hardships in the future, then You are doing Your job. So stop feeling like a bully. As much as it sucks, there are times when You will have to be the bad guy. Just remember that in the end, she will be thankful that You stood Your ground and kept her safe. There will be times that loosening up a little bit will be okay, but for the important stuff, You should always stand strong in Your decision; and know that You are her Daddy Dom.
- You being her Dominant should never be used as a bargaining chip. No one forced You into this, and You need to choose daily to love her; even when it is hard.
Being Half-In And Half-Out
Commitment should mean something, and always be taken seriously. You should be 100% sure before fully committing to anything, especially when it involves the feelings of another person. Being in a DD/lg relationship is definitely a big commitment. Although, once You are committed, You should never go back and forth between wanting to be a Daddy Dom and wanting to quit and have a regular vanilla relationship; no matter how hard things get. When You chose D/s or DD/lg, You were signing up for the long haul; or until you both mutually decide that things are not working…and let go amicably. When things get busy or she pisses You off, You should never say that You are “done” or that You “don’t want to be her Daddy anymore”. You being her Dominant should never be used as a bargaining chip. No one forced You into this, and You need to choose daily to love her; even when it is hard. Remember, You chose this lifestyle. You made promises to protect and nurture her. You took on this responsibility, knowing that it would take a lot of hard work and the willingness to grow. The power dynamic cannot remain intact when one or the other is in one minute, and then out the next. You need to either fully commit to Your role, or be honest, and respectfully walk away. The whole relationship is built on trust and her being able to feel safe and confident in You. she needs that safety in order to give You all of the power, because she is going to be totally vulnerable. If she cannot trust that You will be there for her through anything, how is she ever supposed to feel safe enough to open up and be “little”? Everyone needs to understand that being in a BDSM relationship takes maturity and the willingness to change for the benefit of the other party. A large part of being a Dominant is being willing to sacrifice Your own wants for your submissive’s needs.
Hey. No Daddy Dom is ever going to be perfect; no matter how much work and sacrifice goes into it. Daddies, the fact that You are even reading this article in the first place shows that You prioritize the relationship with Your little. Enough to seek out information to better Yourself as her Dominant, and to find tools to enhance and strengthen Your DD/lg relationship dynamic. Now that You know that these “not too big of a deal” actions are actually a very big deal to Your little princess, You should work every day on stopping those habits before they can cause any more damage.
Please leave all of your comments and insights about this article below. We would love to hear your stories and thoughts! Also, check out 10 Things Every little Needs to Stop Doing. xoxo