Relationships are hard. Okay, understatement of the year, right? It is essentially two different people with different backgrounds, childhoods, political views, BDSM opinions, and on and on and on; trying to mesh their worlds together. Friction is bound to happen, regardless of how hard either party is trying. The key is that couples need to realize that love is work. Love is putting someone else before you. Love is HARD!
There are things that a little can do that show their Daddy just how much she loves and respects Him. There are also things that a little does that can unintentionally sabotage her relationship, that may seem harmless, but actually cause major damage. Knowing what those are and being able to avoid them in the future can save you both a lot of hurt and arguments. Below are 10 of the most common “harmless” things a little needs to stop doing immediately, in order to prevent negative effects in the relationship. Also, she should ask forgiveness for doing them in the past to mend old wounds. It’s okay, Daddies are very forgiving, and knowing that you are trying so hard to be His good girl will seal the deal.
This article is intended for healthy DD/lg couples to better their relationship and dynamic. We often write about love and respect, this list is merely 10 ways to show your Daddy more respect by correcting behaviors that you didn’t even know could be affecting Him (or your relationship). We also want to say, if anyone ever feels that they are in an abusive situation, they should not hesitate to find resources (or help) by calling 1-800-799-7233 (National Domestic Abuse Hotline).
A Dom/sub (even DD/lg) relationship is based on a power exchange dynamic. The Dominant’s role is to dominate over His submissive, and the submissive’s role is to submit to His dominance. There are always hard limits and rules set up before any play or relationship fully starts. These rules and limits are agreed upon by both parties to respect their individual rights, kinks, and fears. At any point during the relationship, either party can choose to walk away for any reason; even if a physical contract is signed. When deciding on the rules and hard limits, both parties need to be 100% honest in what they are and are not wanting. So if the Dominant is wanting a specific type of relationship, and the submissive is not in agreement with that desire (or vice-versa), then it would stand to reason that they would need to either find a compromise (or part ways). No one should ever force or demand the other to break a hard limit, and there should always be the right to add new hard limits at any time. A power exchange relationship is between two (or more) consenting adults. No one is forcing you to enter one; but if you choose to, then you should hold up your end of the mutually decided-upon dynamic.
If you are a regular follower of our blog, you would know that we are in a D/s, TPE (Total Power Exchange), DD/lg relationship. What works for us, may not always work best for others. This blog has never claimed to be a one-size-fits all. We also never say if you disagree with our opinions, then you are wrong. Cumming Without Permission expresses our personal opinions and views, which we discovered on our journey, and what we have learned along the way. We will never be able to please everyone for every single type of relationship, no matter how hard we try, so we do not try to do that. We realize that everyone who reads our articles are in different stages or types of power exchange relationships, and we are only here to provide support and possibly provide helpful tips and advice.
- Arguing About Who is Right
You are a team. When one of you loses, you both lose. When one of you wins, you both win. Arguing about who is right or wrong in a fight resolves nothing. When a little argues about who is right and who is wrong, it causes a topping-from-bottom situation. The Daddy is the top, and the little is the bottom. A little does not tell the Daddy how to do His job, unless He asks for her advice. Generally, an argument is started when one or the other is not showing love or respect. Even if your Daddy is the one who caused the argument by being unloving towards you, it is not an excuse to disrespect Him. If a talk starts to get heated and moves toward a full blown fight, this is NOT the time to tell Him that He hurt your feelings and how He is in the wrong. When a Daddy begins to get upset, His defenses go up immediately. When He hears you saying that He did something wrong, those defenses become attacks to protect Himself; which causes the argument to escalate from there. He becomes more unloving, which causes her to become more disrespectful; and the destructive cycle continues on and on, until one of you shows the other respect or love (which restarts the love and respect cycle). He is being loving and she is being respectful, causing a similar effect to the destruction cycle, but in a positive way. The more she respects, the more He is loving. The destructive cycle can be avoided by showing your Daddy respect, even when He is being unloving. Just attribute those times to His weak moments when He needs your love the most. Then, talk with Him in a calmer setting. One where He is open to receiving your feedback; not your criticism. For Him, you can say the same sentence in the middle of an argument or the middle of a calm discussion, and He will hear it completely different in each setting. If His defenses are up, feedback sounds like criticism, which can make the situation escalate. When He is calm, what could be considered a criticism is taken as feedback to help Him understand you better; but in a respectful way. If you love your Daddy, then please stop worrying about who is right and who is wrong; and instead focus on learning to love and respect even in the hardest times.
- Asking For His Advise & Not Using It
Daddies are problem solvers. Give Him a puzzle and He will not stop until He has it figured it out, front and back, upside down, and full circle. When you come to your Daddy with a problem and are needing His advice on what to do, that is His puzzle. He will take in all of the information, process it, calculate pros and cons, and come up with a well thought out plan for how you should solve the issue; sometimes with multiple options to get desirable outcomes that benefit you in different ways. It is important to remember that time is the only commodity that you can never get back. He took the time to listen, problem solve, and come to a solution because He loves you. He not only gave you advice; He gave you His time and energy. He is most likely very proud of Himself, and He is excited to share the answer He devised with you. He is expecting to be the Hero that saves the day. When He is met with opposition, critiquing, and refusal to use His advice, He feels as if it were a slap in the face. It would be like you were saying that He is unintelligent, and not good enough to come up with a smart answer. When you come to your Daddy for advice, you should trust His opinion, and also have trust that He would not steer you wrong. Be sure to give Him all of the information up front, so that He does not spend valuable time finding a solution, only to find out additional information that would cause His answer to become invalid. Give Him all of the information, then give Him time to process, and respectfully listen and use His advice. He is in charge for a reason, and the last thing He wants to do is to cause you hurt and sadness. Trust that He looked at every piece of the situation, and fit the puzzle to make a smart result.
- Being Naughty to Get Daddy’s Attention
Daddies are very busy. Your Daddy is a provider, and He takes His role very seriously. That means He will be preoccupied with being an excellent Leader, at the top in His field of work, and a respected Man of society and His home. He does His best to give you as much quality time, structure, and nurturing as possible, that He can make fit into His schedule. When His schedule changes for whatever reason (work, illness, family emergency, etc.), He is just as frustrated as you, and needs your support. The changes add tremendous stress to His day, and you acting out to get His attention can cause a negative affect. He will feel disrespected and unappreciated for His hard work and effort. Deliberately acting out, no matter how well-intended, is hurtful, and a small amount of trust is broken. If He is feeling like He is on His own with no support, it will elevate His stress levels, and potentially cause Him to doubt Himself and His ability to succeed. He cannot be His best when He is constantly feeling out of control with a defiant little. Adding the stress of you acting out, and having to discipline you constantly, ruins any chance of fitting a few moments of quality time in between His many tasks. He will feel guilt, shame, and that He is failing at having control of the situation. During His most stressful moments, He is going to need your support, respect, and good behavior to help get Him get through in order to feel successful. Knowing you are there rooting Him on will lower His stress levels, and allow Him to preform better, be more efficient, and find success more quickly with a clear head. Is that spanking and “Daddy Time” really more important than His feeling of accomplishment and pride?
- Letting Yourself Go
C’mon…is it really that hard to shave your legs, gloss your lips, put a cute bow or ribbon in your hair? To slip on a summer dress and His favorite panties? It is my firm belief that a Daddy should have the best of everything within His means. Your being sexy for Him is definitely one of those things that is within His means. Even with the smallest budget, you can shave, do pretty new hair styles, and thrift shop. you should also try your best to exercise and eat healthy. You do not need to be a supermodel; but you shouldn’t be one of those girls who sits around in dirty sweats, un-brushed hair, and eating crap all day. Putting in the effort to maintain your physical appearance to His standards should be your daily goal. It will show Him that you respect Him enough to try your best to give Him all of His desires. i am aware that littles come in all shapes and sizes. There is nothing wrong with that, and once again, i am not saying you need to be “skinny” (or even need lose weight). What i am saying is that you should do your best to be healthy and active, so that you will be able to preform for Him in other areas. Ask your Daddy what turns Him on. How would He would prefer for you to look? Then, start working on fulfilling His desires.
- Making Up Excuses to Not Have Sex
Once the commitment is made to love and respect your Daddy, the protocols and rules have been set in place. Then, you have the responsibility to fulfill your part of the equation. It is your job to meet the needs of your Daddy Dom, to the best of your abilities. While there are DD/lg couples who do not include sex in their relationship, a majority of them do. Most Daddies need sex. Let me say that again…most Daddies actually, truly NEED sex. The same way that your body needs food and water, a Daddy’s body needs sexual release. When He is denied sex, His need does not just go away; and it only becomes stronger. A Man’s semen is being produced constantly, and without release, He will become uncomfortable or angry; possibly even in pain from the build up. His stress levels increase until He finds sexual release. It is your job as His little to provide that release for Him, or to allow Him to find that release in another way; such as porn, masturbation, open relationship, etc. Personally, i want to be the one to fill that need for Him, and be available for His pleasure 24/7. Now, i get that there some nights when you are tired, stressed, or just simply not in the mood. That does not give you the green light to refuse Him when He needs it. Being too tired is an excuse. Not being in the mood is an excuse. Being too stressed is an excuse. Let’s explore why:
- Tired – If you are so tired that you just can’t preform, then it’s okay to be upfront with Your Daddy. Explain that you are extremely exhausted, but have no intention of Him missing out on having His needs met. This is a great night for role play! Be His human doll, and relax while He uses you in anyway that He desires (within pre-set limits of course). Or, fall asleep and give Him permission to “take advantage” of you while you are passed out like a drunk college girl. Use any fantasy that plays into your exhaustion; for all you know, you might fall in love with a new role-play style.
- Stressed – Give your Daddy a chance to wash that stress away with an earth shattering orgasm!! Trust me, being fucked into oblivion has a way of calming any amount of anxiety and stress. You will also be exhausted, once you are finished, and then you can curl up in His arms and fall into a deep stress-free sleep. Ask your Daddy if He can help alleviate your stress, and hand Him a sex toy and some lube and watch Him light up and take on the task at hand. He will be more than happy to assist in this “problem”. Daddy to the rescue!
- Not In the Mood – This is often the case when you are so preoccupied by your To Do lists, and all the other million things you try and fit into one day. It’s easy to see sex as just another task to check off your list, then throw it somewhere to the bottom with the “maybe get these done” tasks. Being there to fill your Daddy’s needs is NOT a task to just check off. It should be at the top of your list, as a number one priority. Many times when i am feeling just blah and not in the mood, i always try to let my Daddy know, so that He doesn’t feel unwanted in the beginning; because in about five minutes my sex drive will perk up like a 12 year old school boy seeing boobies for the first time. Sex has a way of getting you in the mood; especially when you have a very skilled partner!
You should never make up excuses not to have sex. You should always search out ways and reasons to have sex, and fulfill your Daddy’s primal needs. Do not just leave it up to Him to make the first move, either. Nothing is sexier for Him, than a horny little princess begging to please her Daddy. He needs to feel wanted the same way you need to feel wanted. Calling Him sexy makes Him feel sexy. Telling Him you desire Him makes Him feel desired. If you refuse sex on a regular basis, He will begin to feel unwanted and hurt. He will wonder why you stopped wanting Him, and the possibility of questions of trust comes into play. He may also seek release in other outlets, such as cheating, emotional affairs, piling on work so He doesn’t have time to think about it, etc. None of those are healthy for either of you. Just avoid all of that…and have SEX. Do it as often as you can, because come on, it’s freaking awesome!
- Telling Lies to Avoid Hurting His Feelings
A little should never lie to her Daddy. Lying is a ticking time bomb, waiting to explode and damage everything in it’s path. Even little lies can cause big trust issues. If He asks if His hair looks good and He is heading out the door to a big event, and He is stressed and anxious, do not tell Him “yes” when it actually looks terrible. Be honest and offer to help Him fix it, or step back and give Him time and space to do it on His own. He will appreciate the honesty, knowing you love Him enough to risk hurting His feelings to avoid embarrassment from peers and work colleagues. If you did something wrong, even the small small stuff that could possibly upset Him, tell Him as soon as possible. Explain that you made a mistake, and need His forgiveness and a punishment if one is required. Lying about it to avoid upsetting Him could result in Him finding out later on His own, and cause doubt and trust issues. The risk of Him thinking it’s bigger or worse than it really is can happen, and trying to explain it after the fact may just be too late. The damage may already have been done for something that really wasn’t that big of a deal, because it was turned into something much worse by hiding it or lying about it to avoid hurting Him. A good example would be chatting with a friend and they say or do something even semi-inappropriate, and you shut them down immediately. Later lying to your Daddy that nothing has ever happened between the two of you, until He somehow finds out otherwise through another source… KABOOM! Something simple and innocent on your part turns into Him questioning your fidelity and causing hurt and anxiety. It is always best to be upfront with Him, no matter the consequence; because no potential punishment is worse than breaking the foundation of trust.
- Having Friends Who Talk Negative About Your Relationship
When you are in a committed relationship, you should avoid toxic friends and family. You want people that are in favor of your relationship. Avoid friends who talk bad about your Daddy. It’s important to surround yourself with positive peers, so that when your relationship hits a rough spot, they will be there to motivate you and cheer your relationship on with positive advice. It builds a wedge when someone that is important to you says that you deserve better, and your Daddy is an asshole that is too controlling. For one, they probably do not know about your DD/lg lifestyle, and wouldn’t understand the power dynamic that needs to exist to keep the relationship strong. Secondly, hearing negative things starts to form a victim mentality, and distances you from your Daddy; instead of working to fix the issue. Also, (please please please) try to avoid any kind of relationship with a friend that has intentions or desires of being with you sexually, or inappropriately flirts with you. This will be extremely toxic for your relationship. Even if you have zero intention of reciprocating their feelings, your Daddy will be filled with jealousy, and He could start to feel cheated on. Surrounding your relationship with positive people, good role models, and couples that you respect, will cause a stronger, solid bond between you and your Daddy Dom.
- Putting Your Job, Friends, & Kids Before Your Daddy
This one could cause quite a bit of controversy, but i have very strong views on this specific topic. When a little prioritizes something over her Daddy, it removes Him from being the top. In a healthy and strong DD/lg relationship, putting your Daddy first (before anything else) will create an environment where everything falls into place. With the confidence that you have placed Him in the number one position, He will be able to help guide you in all of the other areas. He will be able to take off the pressure you feel of being on your own. He makes sure you work on being the best employee you can be, the best mother you can be, and that you have the ability to spend quality time strengthening friendships. He wants you to succeed, because your success is His success. When he does not have to fight for your attention, He will be able to be the leader He desires to be. If He is placed second to your job, for instance, He will feel left out of the equation and un-needed. Jealousy will grow, and instead of pushing you toward success, He will become busy fighting for your attention, leaving you on your own. Now the hot topic… putting Him ahead of your kids. It is the same as with putting Him second to your job. He will be faced with having to fight for first place in your life, making it extremely hard to find time to push you to grow and become a better mother. Also, your children seeing their mom happy, and in a a healthy strong relationship, will give them a chance to relax and be a kid; and not have to worry about a potential divorce. Again, a mature, strong Daddy Dom will thrive when He in first place, and will strive to lead you to be a better person all-around, in the safety of His love and support.
- Keeping Issues Quiet So You Don’t Upset Your Daddy
If your Daddy is doing something that is hurting you, causing emotional distress, or acting in a way that makes you uncomfortable, He needs to know. Do not be afraid of hurting His feelings or making Him angry. When confronted in a respectful way, a good Daddy will listen intently, and help resolve the issue at hand. Keeping quiet will cause yourself pain and possible resentment, and will potentially make Him feel stupid for whatever He was doing once you finally say something. He has no intentions of causing you any harm, and worries about messing up constantly. Like we always say, He cannot make good decisions with bad information. By staying quiet, you are forcing Him to be the enemy and to unknowingly fail over and over again. A person can only hold pain in for so long before it eventually catches up to them. When it does, resentment and anger can reveal its venomous head. How unfair for Him that you kept quiet about the fact that He was doing something that hurt you repeatedly, and are now angry at Him for doing that; even though He had no clue it was hurting you in the first place. He wants to be a good Daddy Dom for you, but He needs your complete honesty and open communication to help Him learn His little’s curves and edges. Remember to do your best when talking about these issues, and bring it up in a respectful way during down time; not in the middle of an argument to be used as ammo. He will not learn anything about you, or be taking better care of you. Only that you have been upset with Him for a long time, and His defenses go up, because He didn’t know He was doing something wrong in the first place. It is best to save these kinds of talks for when He is not stressed, in a rush, or preoccupied with something important.
- Questioning His Intentions, Defying His Commands, & Ignoring His Rules
This is HUGE. Above, we talked about not being afraid to talk about issues; so why am i saying not to question Him? This is specifically targeting when He makes a final decision, and you begin to question Him and become defiant. If He asks you to do something (which is not one of your hard limits), then you should follow His command and rules to the best of your ability. If it is something that bothers you, bring it up respectfully, later, at a time that is more appropriate. Questioning Him in front of others can become a very sticky situation. Doing so will make Him feel inferior, and cause damage to the power dynamic. Being openly defiant gives the impression that He is not in control, or able to preform His job as a leader effectively. Blatantly ignoring pre-set rules, and doing what you want instead, is seen by Him as an ultimate act of disrespect. He spent long hours planning and forming a specific set of rules based on your needs. To walk all over them, you are essentially telling Him that you do not need Him, and that you do not respect the time and effort He spent on bettering you. Daddies have a lot going on, and generally know why and how they are going to accomplish a specific set of goals. His number one job is to provide for and to protect you. Questioning His intentions gives Him the impression that you do not trust His judgement. The entire relationship is built on you submitting to Him, and giving Him your full trust for Him to be your Dominant. The last thing you want to do is cause Him to question your commitment to being His submissive. He needs your trust and obedience, always. Granted, there will be times when you mess up accidentally; and He expects that. He is fully-aware that you are not a perfect submissive. He takes pride in being the one to culminate an environment for you to grow in your submission. He also takes pride in correcting you, but He cannot efficiently do that if you are constantly questioning or openly defying Him. A little should always do her very best to follow Daddy’s rules, and trust that He knows what He is doing.
No relationship is the same, and some of these may not fit in your specific situation; but for many relationships, these truths stand firm. A Daddy is wired differently from His little, and the way He hears and processes information is different. What you may see as harmless, can actually be damaging to your Daddy; causing negative affects on the relationship. Daddies are not innocent in this area, either. There are things that He does that He feels are harmless, which can cause major damage to His little.
Please check out 10 Things Every Daddy Dom Needs to Stop Doing. Don’t forget to leave your comments below! We would love to hear you weigh in on this topic! xoxo