Doesn’t it feel like life always seems to get in the way of the life that you want? Sometimes it’s all too easy to get caught up in the stress, pressures, deadlines, and changes that life throws at you, that you end up missing the best parts. Living a 24/7 D/s or DD/lg lifestyle takes a lot of work and is easily the first thing pushed to the back burner when life is getting hard. You think, “it’s ok we can just take a short break while we figure this other stuff out”, but then more and more “stuff” gets piled on. Before you know it, a year has passed; and while you may be closer to your overall goals, you may also be more distant than ever from your truest needs.
For Daddy and i, this lifestyle is a need. Not just a want or a desire, but a true need. The same way you need oxygen to breathe, we need this dynamic to feel truly whole. As many of our readers know, we have been extremely distant from writing and have had a lot of changes leading up to that. We are still dealing with a tremendous amount of stress ranging from a new job and long-term sickness in the family, to desperately trying to find help for several children who need more help than we alone can offer them.
Through all of this we have grown distant from our D/s lifestyle, each other, and ourselves. We knew we were both losing perspective of what made our relationship work so well, but didn’t want to add one more burden to the growing pile. What we didn’t realize was that straying from this dynamic was causing more stress. What we needed was to simply address that we were not getting our needs met.
We cannot thrive as individuals or as a couple while denying who we truly are. Daddy is a Dominant and i am His submissive. Treating each other any different is like denying ourselves water and being confused as to why we are dehydrated. Now that we are all too fully aware of why “taking a break” is so detrimental to our relationship, it is time for us both to go all-in, and restart our best life ever.
Since we so easily fell into this trap, i thought maybe some of our readers may have as well. Here are 10 ways to restart your own D/s or DD/lg lifestyle; or even start, if you are new to all of this. Hopefully you get a chance to try one or two of these this week and it helps rekindle some spark back into your dynamic!
1. Re-Read and/or Rewrite Your Rules
Now is a perfect opportunity to go over your old pre-set rules and decide if they still fit your current life, wants, needs, and desires. Not only will it remind you of what was important to you in the beginning, but it will give you a chance to talk about what you are hoping for now, and what you would be willing to try. There is absolutely nothing wrong with scrapping the old rules and starting completely fresh. The same goes for choosing to keep the old ones! Use whatever works best for both partners in the relationship.
2. Start with Three
It’s simple. Start by really looking within, and writing down three things you would like your partner to work on that week. This is one that i love to do, because it takes away all of the pressure to be perfect at everything and focus on just three things. We like to use three sticky notes so we can post them in a convenient spot for us. Try to be as specific as possible when writing them out, in order to give your partner the biggest chance of success, knowing exactly what it is that you are wanting.
Here is a good example:
- Tell me if i am being bad and punish me.
- Kiss me hello and goodbye everyday.
- Take me on at least one romantic date.
- Kneel when Daddy comes home from work.
- AskDaddy permission before leaving the house.
- Come to bed naked.
Here is a bad example:
- Be more Dominant.
- Do more romantic things.
- Be more adventurous.
- Be more submissive.
- Stop arguing.
- Act sexier for Me.
Do your research, and then do some more! Read books, blogs, and forums on D/s and DD/lg. Talk with trusted friends for advice, even ifs it’s just vanilla relationship advice. You can never know too much. Consider finding a mentor that lives in a similar lifestyle. The sky is the limit! Remind yourself of why you got started in all of this in the first place, all while getting some fun ideas of ways to make your relationship stronger.
4. Ask For Permission
One simple way to show your Daddy Dom respect is to start asking for permission. Ask Him what kinds of things He would like to be in charge of (money spending over $20, leaving the house, hanging out with friends, food intake, alcohol consumption, cumming, etc). If this is a new idea to your dynamic, start with something small, and be sure that it isn’t too much of a burden on your Daddy’s work day. A text message about spending money may be easier to manage versus constant texts about every drop of food you eat. Honestly, though, there is nothing wrong with either one. Just choose what works for the two of you and your current life.
Here are a few examples of what Daddy chose for me:
- Leaving the house.
- Hanging with friends.
- Spending anything outside of my personal money He gives me every two weeks.
- Drinking alcohol.
- What i make for dinner.
- Making plans for the weekend.
- Committing to plans with family and friends.
He mainly just wants to feel respected in all things. Including him in decision-making might be just what He needs in order to feel respected. In turn, He’s more likely to care for the nuances of your little side the way you need.
5. Write an Open Journal
You can do this as a couple, or one for each of you. Having a place to write about your day and current struggles is a great way for you to personally destress, and an opportunity for your partner to see into your life when they cannot be around. When you put pen to paper, emotions you didn’t even know existed seem to show up. Knowing that someone could read it later could hold you back at first from being completely open about your true feelings; but to stomp out that fear from the start, try to set rules. As an example, a great rule would be that there can be no judgment from the reader and nothing read in the journal can be used in a fight. This is supposed to be positive, and a chance for you to get to know each other again.
Daddy and i decided it worked best for us for my journal to be open to him 24/7; while His journal is more private and needs permission to be given to read an entry. This works for us and we decided how it would work a long time ago. This may not be for everyone, and there is no wrong or right way to do this!
6. Try Something New
This is supposed to be fun!!! So, go ahead and let loose and try something new; be it sexual, hobby, adventure, or lifestyle. Sometimes when you are in a rut, you are also bored. By trying something new together, you will both have this new fun experience to share. Even if it doesn’t work out perfectly (or even at all), it is still a new memory you have together. Something new to grow from! “New” is scary sometimes, but not as scary as never trying and living with regret. This does not mean to try something that is on your hard limit list. Those should always be respected, unless both parties are willing to give it a try; but there should never (ever) be pressure to push your partners hard limits.
7. Make Time For Each Other
This is so incredibly important. Let me just repeat that, because it is just that important. Make time for each other! With busy schedules and all of the curveballs of life, it is all too easy to neglect your partner. No matter how difficult it is, you should find the time to show each other how truly important they are to you. Make sure to add it to your calendar, or write it in ink somewhere for your partner! You should do everything possible to stick to the rule of “no rescheduling,” so that you can learn to count on each other to prioritize the other in life.
8. Have Patience
Give each other a little slack. Everyone makes mistakes when reprogramming an old habit. Some people are capable of jumping headfirst into the new plan, while others need to tippy-toe their way in. There is nothing wrong with either way, but it is important to know that your partner may need a little more time and patience while tippy-toe-ing back into the DD/lg and D/s lifestyle.
Use little reminders, like a sticky note or a simple text, just to help reinforce a need for that day or week. Try to keep it semi-specific so there is no confusion, like the “Start With Three” example. Try your best to refrain from using this to start nagging at each other. Remember, this lifestyle is supposed to enrich your life together…not add stress and extra pressure. Make a pact with each other to put in just as much work as you expect to get out of this and everything should work out perfectly for both of you.
If you can begin a weekly routine of practicing healthy maintenance, your power exchange will flourish in ways you never expected. You will both learn so much about each other and yourself. Here are a few of our favorite ways to practice maintenance:
- A weekly spanking session that is scheduled, and most importantly, followed through on. This is not a punishment spanking. It is a way of exchanging power to strengthen your dynamic. These times together are about you and your partner reconnecting and rediscovering the power of touch, submission, and dominance.
- Have a monthly, scheduled “little day,” where your little gets to stay in little space the entire day. Allow your little to go into that head space, knowing she has your full approval and support to do so. During that day, fulfill her Daddy needs. Not only does this practice strengthen the trust you share together, but it gives you both ample time to learn, grow, and discover new likes and dislikes.
- Re-read your rules with each other on a monthly cycle. Allow each person to say if comfort levels have changed, and how you can better-meet each person’s needs. During this time, you should create a no-judgement zone, where you can talk about anything and everything as long as it’s about your dynamic together. This would be a great time to talk about areas you are feeling neglected, feeling unloved, or feeling disrespected in your day-to-day power exchange.
- Brush your little’s hair at night, and allow her to tell you about her day; and maybe she can give you a massage while you tell her about yours. You can separate the nights and work them in; in a way that works with your schedule. A long-distance version could be her brushing her own hair over webcam and vice versa. The activity can be anything that works for you that involves self care and communication. Talking in such a relaxed manner allows you to let go and enjoy the time together. Each talk will confirm the other person deeply cares about the other and maintains a relaxed line of communication.
10. Have More Sex (if you’re sexually active)
Of course, this solution only works if you’re sexually active with your power exchange partner. That said, it really is a great way to rekindle that spark that you once had before things got crazy and you forgot how much you needed the other. Here are some great reasons to start “sexy time” back up!
- Science has proven that sex literally regenerates brain cells and makes you smarter.
- It’s an excellent workout. And really…is there any better form of exercise?
- It improves your immune system.
- It reduces depression symptoms for everyone.
- For you guys out there, it’s a great way to prevent prostate cancer.
- Improved heart health for the ladies.
- You’ll sleep like a baby afterwards.
- Orgasms can block pain.
- Your skin color will improve immensely.
- Foods like cheese and chocolate will taste much better.
- So does wine. Drink more wine!
We hope these tips help your relationship, and that you can break out of that rut you may be stuck in. Seize this opportunity to kick ass at life, and squeeze every last drop for your pleasure. You only get one.
If you have other ideas, please let us know in the comments! xoxo