Starting out with a new DD/lg lifestyle can be a little frightening and very exciting. It can also be easy to shy away from the hard parts, and jump head-first into the “fun” parts. Often, feelings and boundaries are overlooked by the sparkle (and “newness”) of a DD/lg relationship. Time has a way of catching up with us; and when it does, all of those feelings and broken boundaries will come into question (either by you, or your partner). It is really important to take a step back and get a really good look at what you are committing to. Once you are fully aware of what it is that you are wanting, you will then want to step slowly into the changes; taking time to question and evaluate how you feel about what is happening. Discover who you are in this new role, and enjoy the journey. No one is going to be a perfect little or perfect Daddy Dom on the first day; or the hundredth; or the one-thousandth. Even the most experienced Dom will tell you that He is still learning and discovering new ways to be better. No one is perfect, and the only way to be a good little or Dominant is to learn, and be willing to grow every day.
We’re asked all the time about advice for beginners. i love this question, because it means Daddy Doms and little girls are working on themselves. Here are our top 21 first steps we would recommend to any new beginners in the DD/lg lifestyle:
- Read books, blogs, and forums. Learn as much information as you can about this lifestyle.
- Talk with people who are in the lifestyle, and ask a lot of questions.
- Start a journal of your journey personally, or together as a couple.
- Establish rules and boundaries. It is important to remember that these boundaries can change and evolve over time, and with experience, in all of these new areas.
- Set up weekly meetings with your partner to discuss how things are going, and whether or not changes need to be made.
- Decide how much “power” the Daddy Dom holds over the little. Such as: certain areas, most areas, or total power exchange (TPE).
- Decide if this new lifestyle is going to be 24/7, only in the bedroom, or specific times and dates.
- Date each other!!! Even if you have been married or together for years, it is important to remember that you are both discovering who you are. Dating is the best way to explore that side of yourselves together.
- Plan fun, little-friendly activities. Such as: coloring, playing with toys, watching cartoons, or whatever else helps to bring your little side out.
- Be 100% open and honest, 100% of the time. This type of relationship is fundamentally built on trust. Without trust at its foundation, the relationship cannot operate the way it was intended to.
- Explore sexual kinks together. Whether it’s role-play, bondage, or any number of things; showing this side of yourself to each other builds intimacy and trust.
- Decide how open you want to be about your new lifestyle. Is this going to be private between the two of you? Private between the two of you, and a blog? Only close friends and/or family? Out and proud? There is no wrong answer. Every couple is different on who/when/why they want to share this side of themselves. Knowing this information can save you from some very awkward and hurtful moments for sharing with someone that your partner isn’t comfortable sharing with.
- Make a daily goal chart for your little. You can make make this as cute, fun, serious or to-the-point as you like. Having this chart will give your little a step-by-step list of ways to please her Daddy. And littles love pleasing their Daddies!
- Start a hobby together. Doing this will give you both things to talk about, and will provide something to do together to bond you closer. Some good ideas include: learning an instrument, learning to cook, exercise and fitness, watching a television series, ballroom dancing, etc.
- Be patient with each other. Remember, this is new for both of you. You will both undoubtedly make mistakes. Having patience and cheering for the other will motivate both of you to work harder.
- Talk about and establish punishments. Once they are decided and agreed upon, always remember to follow through. Establishing and following through with punishments will help the power dynamic stay strong for both parties.
- Learn the power of Love and Respect. The basic idea is that every little girl needs to be loved, and every Daddy Dom needs to be respected. If the little is being disrespectful, then the Daddy becomes unloving and hurt. If the Daddy is being unloving, then the little becomes disrespectful and hurt. So you can either be on the unloving/disrespectful circle…or on the love/respect circle. The latter works extremely well for us.
- Make goals for your newfound DD/lg relationship. Set a one week goal, a month goal, a year goal, and a five year goal. Talking about and planning for a future will help show your commitment to the other.
- Play with each other (haha not that kind, but it’s highly recommended as well). Build blanket forts, go to the park, share a milkshake or sundae at a diner, have tickle fights, etc. Laughing is so important, and vital in bonding and opening up with each other.
- Speaking of playing with each other…have sex. Have a LOT of sex! Having a healthy sexual relationship will keep your butterflies fluttering in your tummy like they belong. Being wanted by another is a huge confidence boost for anyone. Your partner needs to feel wanted by you! (This is for sexual DD/lg relationships. There is nothing wrong with being a non-sexual DD/lg couple, as long as both parties are on-board.)
- Have FUN!!!! Take your time and enjoy this new phase of your life!
Please leave any thoughts or ideas of what you think are great first steps for beginners. We love to hear what our readers have to say! xoxo