I/we are in a newish relationship and we found out that Dom/sub relation was in us both. I am 40 and she is 28. She was in a very abusive relationship and has physical scars from this. I pamper day in and day out and work to build her ego, because she is has none. I found your site and can not believe how much this is us. My question is, as a Dom daddy should I keep feeding the damage that was done in the past and let her know I am not going to hurt her, she says she trust me 100% in and out of the bed. I am just looking for another opinion from a little perspective. Thank you for having this site because not everyone understands what we like, we are planning on moving in together in the next six months and she has requested a Shed not a room that we can play in. I find this so amazing in what I have found in my little that I need and want to find the best way too feed her. ~ Muggz
Speaking from experience as a little with an abusive past, my biggest suggestion would be to trust her. If she says that she can handle something, trust that she knows what she is talking about. If she says that she can handle something, and then during the process she changes her mind; trust that she wouldn’t have known that she wasn’t ready unless she tried. Trust is a huge key in having a successful BDSM relationship. Of course, you hear all the time that the submissive needs to trust her Dom, but rarely is it talked about that the Dom needs to trust His submissive. The road has got to go both ways for trust to grow.
From the very beginning, You need to explain to her how important it is that she is 100% honest when asked a question. That if she gives you bad information, You cannot make a well-thought-out, smart decision. Once that rule is established, everything can run smoothly. You can both go through punishments and play scenes, and decide if they are right for you (or not right for you) both. Understand that all of this is trial and error. What was ok at first, may turn out not to be ok later. Also, what wasn’t ok, could come up in the future and be ok now. DD/lg relationships are ever-changing. Over time, rough areas will become smooth, and what seemed impossible originally, is now possible due to wisdom and strength built up from experience. The dynamic generally becomes so ingrained into your daily life, that you barley notice the work that goes into it.
Just because You have a little with a broken past, does not mean You have a broken little. she made it through that horrible situation…and survived. she will always have the scars, but the pain will lessen over time. she is stronger because of it, and does not want to be defined by it now. her future should not be stolen because of some scumbag-asshole from the past. If she says she can handle something and You don’t trust her, You are basically saying that her abuser wins. Even though she made it through her past trauma, that person is still affecting her life in the present with You. Her chance at a normal, happy life is being held hostage due to something she has no control over in the first place. Trusting her, when she says that she is ready for something, is giving her back the control that was stolen from her. And really, that “control” that she’s gained back…is now hers to fully give to You as her Dominant. You get to be that Hero!
As her Daddy, Your job is to protect her and kiss away her tears. Her 100% trust in You will grow roots that run deeper and deeper (more than You realize today). Roots that will ground her from ever falling away from You. You are responsible for maintaining those roots, with every kept promise and each adoring kiss. You hold the power to grow her into a strong, whole woman, or the power cut through her hope and trust she has gifted to You. Being a Daddy of a little is no easy task. Being a Daddy of a scarred little is a hundred times more difficult. You will need twice the patience. Twice the love. Twice the strength. You will also get twice the reward. The heart of a little who has been deeply hurt, understands much better the difference between love and hurt. When You kiss her sweetly before bed and hold her while she sleeps, she has the pain of her past to compare to the love of her future. she will appreciate each and every loving act You do, and see it for what it really is; true honest love.
i really hope this helps answer Your question and gives you a little insight into her world. Daddy is always here if you ever need some advice from a Daddy Dom on this subject. He has spent a lot of time learning the ins and outs of how to love an abused little. Please let us know how things go with the two of you. We always love to hear your follow-up stories! We would also super-appreciate it if any of our awesome-mufassum readers would leave their opinions and advice in the comments. Every story is different and unique; and the wisdom gained from those experiences is vast. xoxo