Are all Daddies expected to love sex? What happens when a little’s sex drive is higher than Daddy’s? Is expecting more than one round a day too much or at least everyday? Should a Daddy expect to perform that often? How can you tell if Daddy is losing interest or simply unable to engage? Should a little feel unwanted or not need by Daddy if she is rejected sexually? How can she prevent the feelings of rejection and insecurity from occurring? Sorry for all the questions but i was unsure on how to present the topic. Thank you in advance. ~ Munchie ♥
That’s okay! We’ve experienced some of this, and it’s not always directly related to DD/lg or something the little is necessarily doing wrong. Or the Daddy for that matter. There are a number of reasons sex drives fail (or sway temporarily), and we’ll try to talk through some of them here.
Are all Daddies expected to love sex?
Not necessarily. There’s nothing in the DD/lg rules that says a Daddy and His little are supposed to be sexually intimate. In fact, many DD/lg couples don’t. That said, the majority do. What it comes down to is whatever you and your Daddy have decided to be acceptable at the beginning of your relationship. If you’re like us, where you started out as a vanilla couple and gradually evolved into DD/lg, then sex is probably a part of your relationship. We love sex, and it’s part of our kink. So, we generally try to keep that aspect of our relationship alive.
Why isn’t my Daddy ready to play?
If it happens, it happens. No relationship is immune to this. Certainly not yours; or anyone else’s DD/lg relationship, for that matter. Each person has a different chemistry make-up, and their sex drive may not always match their partner’s. Personally, I have a lot on My shoulders each day; many burdens. Sometimes it’s stress that gets to Me. Other times it’s something on My mind that I just can’t shake, and there’s a psychological block that happens.
At one point over the past year, we were having issues similar to what you have described. We made a doctor’s appointment to see if it was something chemically imbalanced in my blood. My princess was ready to go all the time, and I wasn’t always reciprocating interest. Or if I was, I wasn’t performing (sometimes I simply couldn’t). We suspected ED, but that wasn’t specifically proven by any medical professional. We thought it could be related to some medication I was taking at the time, but weren’t sure.
But I’ll tell you this. We ultimately discovered that you can psych yourself out; to the point of not being able to perform. I couldn’t “get the job done”, so to speak. There were a million challenges in our daily lives during that time, late nights at work, relationship difficulties, etc. I had a mental block that flat-out prevented me from doing anything, or even maintaining an actual erection. I’m not ashamed of it…it happens; and I’m only 34. But we figured out ways around it. I tried some pills, and they helped. But we noticed the most significant improvement once things leveled out in our lives…and that block wasn’t as prevalent anymore.
My poor little princess; she was totally devastated when it first happened. There were feelings where she thought it was her, or worse…her fault. That little lady never wants to disappoint Me, no matter what. When she feels like something’s her fault, she literally shuts down and it’s a chaos scenario. The world is falling apart, and nothing can glue the pieces back together (except Me). It was important to reassure her that it was NOT her fault. Not one single time was it ever her fault that I couldn’t do My sexual duty, and eventually she learned to trust Me in that. The bad feelings (when it would happen) became less and less.
I’ll point out that when that was happening, and she had her breakdown self-blaming moment, I felt extreme shame as well. The odd thing; the shame makes it worse. Shame is a downward spiral of helplessness. It challenged Me as a Dominant, and really hit Me hard. I felt like I couldn’t lead another if I couldn’t even take care of Me. It was horrible. Please be careful when talking to your Daddy about an issue like this. As bad as it was for princess to feel like it was her fault, I felt it 10x worse in this instance. In our situation, it wasn’t anybody’s fault. It simply “was”.
How can we cope with this?
Firstly, we learned to be patient with the other. We know the other person loves us. My princess knows her Daddy loves her to death, and would do anything for her. And I know she would do anything in her power for Me out of love. That’s what drives us, and it’s one of our foundational pillars. It motivates us to constantly win each other’s heart…and there’s always something new going on. We’re the weird couple that sweet old grandmas walk up to in the store and say “You guys are so cute. I know you’re going to be together forever.”
That doesn’t solve things in the bedroom, though. We were still a couple with a very specific problem, and we didn’t know how to fix it at first. There are things you can do in a situation where there’s lack of interest. For example, we prioritize the other (trust Me, it works great). If I’m dead tired from My day, and princess is wanting to play in bed, there are other ways to have fun! How about letting her masturbate in front of you and put on a show? Or you for her? If you’re into porn, maybe watch a movie together to get everyone in the mood?
Don’t make her your #1. Make her your only one. ~ unknown
Many of you know that we’re in a 24/7/365 D/s DD/lg TPE relationship. If I’m feeling like I need to take care of business (and she’s not), I’m allowed to just get the job done. Sometimes, it’s bending her over the bed and taking what I need. But not always. I’m sensitive to her needs; and if she’s feeling sick or has a “real” headache (she doesn’t use that excuse like some people), then I’ll either hold off, or do it by Myself in front of her and she can watch. Likewise, she has her vibrator wand she can use while I watch. It doesn’t take much to hit pause on our show and let the person relieve themselves for a few minutes.
It doesn’t take much. It’s that prioritization that keeps our love alive, and My little girl knowing that I still love and appreciate her. And believe Me…she knows it. Part of being in a relationship (DD/lg or not) involves doing things you don’t like, sometimes. Be there for her. Be there for Him. And remain considerate. Sometimes, one of us will just start going down on the other while they’re doing something (while working, or watching a TV show), and those are some of the most memorable times we’ve had sexually. It doesn’t always have to be planned.
So, now that I’ve gone on and one about Me, have any of you had issues like this? I’m not sure of our readers’ age ranges, but I’m curious to know how you’ve handled sexual frustration in your DD/lg or D/s relationship. Let us know in the comments!