My daddy is married. He’s 23 yrs older than me. His poor wife has alzheimer’s and dementia. I feel bad because he is married but I love him. I’ve been with him for almost 9 months. We have a 24/7 relationship but live apart. He can’t care for his wife anymore and has made plans to put her in a nursing home. And has told me he wants to collar me and move me in with him. But I feel awkward living in the home he’s shared with his wife for so many years. I never felt like a mistress til now. Is it common for married Doms to make decisions like this? I’ve never disobeyed him on things like this. But this is serious. ~ Spice
This is a tough one. Daddy and i have gone back and forth on how to answer this, and have discussed it at length.
There are so many variables that could sway the right decision, that only someone in the situation would understand. Does He have children? Will He still care for and provide for His ill wife. Is He being honest about the situation? Honestly, i couldn’t tell you how i would make that decision unless i were in it. you really are stuck in a tough spot. On one hand, you love Him deeply and want to start a life together. On the other hand, you don’t want to be the reason He removes His wife from her home.
i do not judge you or think that you are a bad person for what is happening. It is ultimately His decision to put His wife in care, not yours. He is also not a bad person for whatever decision He makes. No one can judge someones situation until they have lived it themselves. my father-in-law is very ill (terminal) and cannot care for himself. There was discussion of putting Him in a facility that could provide better care than my mother-in-law. Ultimately, the decision was made to keep Him at home, but a LOT of cost came from paying nurses around the clock, and medical equipment for the house. Not everyone can afford that luxury. Point being, in my opinion, the decision should be based on care for His wife. Will she be cared for better in a facility, than what He can provide for her Himself?
If He chooses to go ahead with removing her from the home, it will still be the home they shared. Many happy moments were probably shared there. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. you should be happy that He had love and happiness before meeting you. Also, knowing that she lived a good life before her illness took over should ease your mind of being perceived as a bad person. your Daddy deserves a good life and so do you.
Remember going into this relationship that He has baggage. Everyone has baggage. you have to decide if His baggage is worth dealing with in order to be with Him. That is part of life. Daddy was going through a divorce when i met Him, and it was a lot of baggage. i thought i could handle it without issues. When reality hit, and i was faced with the weight of all that baggage, i was in for a rough ride. We made it through, but there were times when i was angry at Him. Angry for everything that was happening. Angry that i was faced with consequences from His past. Angry that He had a whole life before knowing me. i had to remember that i walked into this with my eyes wide open. i chose to walk into this. i chose to be at His side, through good and bad. i can honestly say we are stronger now because of it.
i hope this was even a little bit helpful, and that you find a way to work through this. i would REALLY like to hear what all of our readers have to say and suggestions they may have! xoxo