I am a new sub. My daddy has been wonderful at training me and helping me adjust to my new lifestyle. I always knew I was different and now that I’ve embraced my new life I’m so much happier. But there is one thing I’m troubled by. Love. I’ve only been with my daddy for a month or so. We’ve already had an obstacle or 5 we’ve gotten over. So the rose colored glasses have turned to reality. But. I’m falling in love with him. Really, truly falling in love. Yet my rational mind tells me its too soon. In the vanilla world we’re taught to “wait and take our time.” But I know the rules in the D/s lifestyle are dramatically different. I mean no self respecting, reasonable, mentally stable, highly educated woman would willingly allow a man to control, dominate and punish her like a child right? LOL! I don’t expect you to tell me it’s ok or not ok. But I just wonder if any of your other readers have had this experience? Or what the two of you think. I am also aware that what I’m feeling may be infatuation or even lust. And I also know the difference between love and being in love. I’m an older woman in my late 40’s. Not a young girl and not easily swayed by the things a man does to capture a woman’s attention. My daddy is older than me (60’s) and we have talked about the possibility of me being his forever someday. We ARE taking it slow because this is the last dance for us both. But my heart isn’t getting the “take it slow” message. Sooo is it normal for a sub to have such strong feelings for her Dom after such a short time? We have talked about my feelings. He says he loves me too and is falling for me as well and that it’s okay for me to have these feelings. But I guess I need to be reassured, because my “vanilla lifestyle” teachings are causing conflicting thoughts and feelings. ~ Ladybug
What a great question!!! i LOVE love! I love reading about it. i love hearing peoples’ love stories. i love watching movies about it. Love is, singly, the best part of life. Nothing compares or covers so many areas of our life. Whether it’s food, art, history, a mother, a friend, or a lover, etc; it all comes down to what makes our hearts beat. Passion, hope, and empathy are all built on love. i mean, it has it’s very own holiday! my point is, that love is ever-expanding, and intertwined in most of your life’s decisions. You would think we would be experts on something so present in our life; but due to it’s vastness, it’s impossible to fully understand love’s capabilities. i want to hit on a few key parts in your question, and i hope that helps alleviate some of your stress.
How soon is too soon?
When i met my Daddy, it was like lightening, cascading over me like a waterfall. A mutual friend of ours invited us both to a boot camp at our local gym. The friend was late, and i was standing by the door waiting for them before going to the class. While waiting, i saw a man sitting on a bench by the door as well. i could not keep my eyes off of him! i daydreamed about my friend introducing me to this guy as the other friend that he had invited. i giggled inside and passed it off. i decided to go ahead to the class, because my friend still hadn’t shown up.
Once in the room, i started warming up for what was going to be a brutal class. Then, my friend walked in with the guy from the bench. “No way, no way”, i thought. Then he said, “princess, this is my friend Daddy.” my jaw dropped, and i kind of stuttered my name while i shook his hand. Our eyes were locked, and when our skin touched; lightening. Everything around me disappeared, and i probably looked like a crazy person to him. Throughout the class i couldn’t stop looking at him…every chance i got. i didn’t want to look like a baby pants, so i pushed myself really hard through the workouts, trying to seem like an in-shape rockstar; but omg i was dying.
After the class, we all said goodbye, and i couldn’t stop smiling like an infatuated little school girl. What was wrong with me? When i got home, i saw a new friend request on Facebook and OMG it was HIM!!!! We chatted non-stop. i am pretty sure not a single day has gone by (since we met) that we haven’t talked to, or spent time with, each other. Several weeks after meeting, we played hooky from work and went on a hike up a waterfall. It was the most magical day of my life. Even though i am fairly certain i fell in love with Daddy at first sight, that day at the waterfall sealed the deal. i was head over heels, can’t eat, can’t sleep, crazy-in-love with this man. Since then, we have fallen deeper and stronger in love with each other. We have grown into who we were meant to be; at each others sides. i will never ever forget falling in love for the first time.
So, how soon is too soon? Only your heart can tell you that. Even if other people say it’s crazy, or just lust, if your heart is telling you otherwise, trust it. If you’ve eaten a plate of world-class lasagna and you were instantly in love with the flavor, would you question it and say, “maybe i should give it some time to see if its really that good”? Heck no, you go with your gut! You are an intelligent, beautiful woman; and only you know you, inside and out. Trust yourself. If you feel ready, go for it! If you feel unsure, trust that feeling and go for it, but with caution. If you go for it and it doesn’t work out, that does not mean it wasn’t love or that you were wrong. Life will throw us unexpected curve balls when we least expect it. You cannot predict what might happen, and base your life on “maybe”. Put yourself on the line and go ahead and love. Love with everything you have in you. Love yourself enough to let go of insecurity and what if’s. That is when your life really begins.
I mean, no self respecting, reasonable, mentally stable, highly educated woman would willingly allow a man to control, dominate and punish her like a child, right?
Oh, yes she would! Key word is “willingly”. She willingly allows a man to control, dominate, and punish. She respects herself to know what she wants, and isn’t afraid to ask for it. She has reasonably weighed the pros and cons of this lifestyle, and chosen to walk into it eyes wide open. With a sound, stable mind, she chose the right man to give this power to. She educated herself on all of the ins and outs of this lifestyle, with research and asking questions. Being a submissive is one of the most freeing feelings. i have never felt more safe or more happy than i have inside a D/s relationship. i am free to be myself. Free to have insecurities and hand them to my Dom, so that He can frame a life for me that will build me up into a confident woman. Free to know that when i mess up, there will be someone to pick me up, spank me, and point me in the right direction. Living a life in the constraints of a vanilla life unhappily is what would be wrong and unintelligent. You found and came into the BDSM world for a reason. Something was missing in your vanilla life, and you searched high and low until (BOOM!) you found it. You embraced it. You found yourself. Your truest deepest self. Some of us find that we are meant to be a sub, a little, a babygirl, a slave, a slut, a pet, or so many other possibilities. When i found D/s, it was like seeing the world in color for the first time. Everything that i thought was a flaw about me, was actually an attribute of who i really was. There is no shame in being different. There is no shame in being who you are. It takes strength to find who you are and embrace it.
He says he loves me too and is falling for me as well and that it’s okay for me to have these feelings.
Communication!!! i say it all the time, that communication is vital for a lasting, healthy, BDSM relationship. No one wins when someone is secretly unhappy. i love that you have talked with your Daddy about your feelings. It is a sign of strength and trust when you can open up and be vulnerable to another person. Keep talking! Keep researching. Never stop asking questions, or growing as a person. There is so much about this lifestyle that i am still learning everyday. Whatever you are feeling is ok. If you are mad, it’s ok. If you are unhappy, it’s ok. If you are in love, it’s ok. Having feelings is human. It is what we do with those feelings that shape us. Discussing them with your Dom is such a great first step. Having him help you make a decision, or what steps you should take, is the obvious second step. Make a game plan. Set some goals that you can reach separately and together. When those goals are reached and as you are working towards them, keep talking. Keeping the line of communication open between you and your Daddy will assure you both that the other is taking things seriously. It will also show how the other is growing through the experience, and if things should be tweaked, changed completely, or taken out.
i really hope that this helps you and your Daddy! Please keep us updated on how things are going. We care so much about our readers, and hearing follow-ups are a great way to stay connected. If any of our readers have had a similar experience or suggestions on this subject, please share in the comments below!!! Please share your love stories, and how you knew when it was the real deal! xoxo