What does it take to be a little? When i read that question i hear “Do I belong?”, and don’t we all want to know that? Everyone wants to feel that they have a place and an identity. A place that they can excel, and be their truest self. Our minds have been shaped through years of self-discovery, pain, joy and love, but deep inside, there is a magnet pulling you to where you truly belong and can become your best you. The freedom you feel once you find it is unparalleled.
Daddy and i love reading other blogs and forums about DD/lg, D/s, BDSM relationships, etc. to see how other dynamics work, and to learn new ideas and tips to help make our relationship stronger and become more aware and knowledgeable of the subject. i am a firm believer in research and learning in general. When i get stuck on a topic i tend to go all-out and learn anything and everything i can. i have come across some really good information, some strange information, and some very poor advice information. When i see something that i disagree with, i try to see it from every angle to understand how they got to their conclusion. i need to know the “why” of something before i can fully understand it. Poor Daddy gets to listen to me question everything (sorry Daddy). i can go on and on and on (and on), and He will have to remind me to slow down and let Him talk as well. While searching the forums and blogs i came across this question:
If you’re into ddlg then what makes you a little? What do you do when you’re in littlespace that’s different than your normal adult self? What makes a person a little? How does a little act? Serious questions.
A million-and-a-half ideas came to my mind of ways i could go about finding the answer, that is not only helpful, but honest and knowledgeable. i started to think about some of the other answers people would give and how some could be damaging. Not only to the original poster, but others looking for valid information on the subject. i decided to write a post on my opinion. i do not claim that it is the “correct” answer, but my personal opinion based on how i interpreted the question and information that i found through research.
How to be a little… being a little is not something you can force, or force someone to become. You can certainly play the part, but if your heart isn’t really in it, you can only pretend for so long before the truth comes out. There is no problem using DD/lg as a scene idea or roleplay, and is quite common for that use. There is nothing wrong with being into DD/lg for sexual reasons, but if its only about the sex, then that’s just it…it’s sex, and then you move on. Anyone can dress up, put a binkie into their mouth, and wear pigtails while “Daddy” fucks them. But being vulnerable and allowing another person to truly see you for who you are, a little girl, is a different story.
Being little is scary. It’s not just stuffies and sippy cups. It’s being completely open and vulnerable to getting hurt. Letting your “little” out could have damaging consequences (emotionally and relationally), if it is with the wrong person, need i say “fake Daddy Dom looking for a fucktoy to use but lack discipline and integrity”. With the right person, though, a true DD/lg relationship can be more fulfilling and wonderful than anything else in the world. There is such a strong bond between a Daddy and His little. The relationship is based on trust, respect, honesty, strength, wisdom, faith and love. It’s not just sex. It is a lifestyle. It is something that living without, would be like living without lungs.
When Daddy and i discovered D/s and DD/lg, it felt like we were breathing for the first time. Almost like a part of us had been asleep and was now awakened. There was no going back. Our truest selves were free, and we were ready to fly. Was everything easy? Hell no. We had so many trials and errors, fights, frustrations, shame, fear, jealousy, and so on. Honestly, even a vanilla relationship experiences all of these things. What makes a relationship strong is not about not fighting or messing up, it’s what you do with the lessons from those experiences that matters. Having complete open communication, unhinged trust, deep love, and unconditional respect are the keys.
For me, being little was something that i had been my whole life, without knowing the right words. i was extremely shy, desperate for love and acceptance, fearful of making final decisions, seeing the world through innocent eyes, not understanding why people would want to hurt each other, being hurt very easily, and wanting someone to help guide and nurture me. Of course, before meeting Daddy and discovering DD/lg, i could handle all of those issues on my own. But, i never knew why it never came easily to me and would often wonder if others had these issues as well. i learned over time how to cope and excel. i still seemed to always come in last on the grown up race. i wouldn’t say i was immature; just that i never felt “ready” for being an adult.
Being little is not about being incapable of life, but truly capable of submitting to someone. Someone that needs to Dominate, guide, nurture, and love; just as much as you need someone to submit to, be vulnerable with, and respect higher than any other. Being little should come natural. i do not mean letting just anyone see your “little” side, but with the right person, things just flow. You should feel free and natural. Being afraid is ok. Feeling forced is not ok. Everyone has their own identity, and life is too short to live as someone you are not.
Here are two lists:
Being little is:
- Who you are
- Being vulnerable
- Being loved
- Being guided
- Being nurtured
- Having an “inner little”
- Needing someone
- Being submissive
- Being able to accept yourself
- Being able to accept being owned
- Accepting of direction
- Accepting of punishments
- Taking care of someone just as much as they care for you
- Showing someone your weakness
- Hard work
- All about the other, because they are all about you
- Trusting someone
- Being there for someone
- Being open to new things
- Being open to change
- Depending on someone
- Knowing how to laugh (even at yourself)
- Allowing someone “in”
- Trust that someone has your best interests at heart
Being little is not:
- Being in charge
- Having a sugar Daddy
- All about sex
- Being spoiled
- Being useless
- Being cared for, but offering nothing in return
- All binkies and pigtails (but they are a perk)
- All about you
- A game
- Being weak
- Having Daddy issues (although there are littles that do, and that is okay)
- Being excessively needy
- Being independent
- A free ride
- Age-play (although MANY littles and Daddies are into it! We are!!!)
- Being someone’s sex toy (it’s ok to be Daddy’s sex toy. What i mean is not JUST anyone’s sex toy)
- Being immature
- A phase you grow out of
- Being used
It’s sad that people try to connect DD/lg to pedophilia. DD/lg is between two consenting adults (key word: “adults”). There is nothing wrong with a grown man being attracted to a grown woman who identifies as a little girl, and wears a tutu around the house having tea parties with her stuffies.
Trust your gut. If you feel like you are a little, then you are. No one can say otherwise. Being DD/lg is about what you make of it. Everyone has their own interpretation of the dynamic. Here is mine if you are interested: What is DD/lg to me. Like i always say, have fun and experiment with things! How will you know if you are someone (or something) if you never try. Do research. Have open, no-judgement talks with your partner. Play around, and see if you are into different kinks. i honestly believe that when your “thing” comes along, you will know it. Not only that, but you will never want to go back.
We would LOVE to hear what you have to say on this subject. Please leave a comment, on your opinion, of what it “takes” to be a little!!!