How To Be A little

What does it take to be a little? When i read that question i hear “Do I belong?”, and don’t we all want to know that? Everyone wants to feel that they have a place and an identity. A place that they can excel, and be their truest self. Our minds have been shaped through years of self-discovery, pain, joy and love, but deep inside, there is a magnet pulling you to where you truly belong and can become your best you. The freedom you feel once you find it is unparalleled.

Daddy and i love reading other blogs and forums about DD/lg, D/s, BDSM relationships, etc. to see how other dynamics work, and to learn new ideas and tips to help make our relationship stronger and become more aware and knowledgeable of the subject. i am a firm believer in research and learning in general. When i get stuck on a topic i tend to go all-out and learn anything and everything i can. i have come across some really good information, some strange information, and some very poor advice information. When i see something that i disagree with, i try to see it from every angle to understand how they got to their conclusion. i need to know the “why” of something before i can fully understand it. Poor Daddy gets to listen to me question everything (sorry Daddy). i can go on and on and on (and on), and He will have to remind me to slow down and let Him talk as well. While searching the forums and blogs i came across this question:

If you’re into ddlg then what makes you a little? What do you do when you’re in littlespace that’s different than your normal adult self? What makes a person a little? How does a little act? Serious questions.

A million-and-a-half ideas came to my mind of ways i could go about finding the answer, that is not only helpful, but honest and knowledgeable. i started to think about some of the other answers people would give and how some could be damaging. Not only to the original poster, but others looking for valid information on the subject. i decided to write a post on my opinion. i do not claim that it is the “correct” answer, but my personal opinion based on how i interpreted the question and information that i found through research.

How to be a little… being a little is not something you can force, or force someone to become. You can certainly play the part, but if your heart isn’t really in it, you can only pretend for so long before the truth comes out. There is no problem using DD/lg as a scene idea or roleplay, and is quite common for that use. There is nothing wrong with being into DD/lg for sexual reasons, but if its only about the sex, then that’s just it…it’s sex, and then you move on. Anyone can dress up, put a binkie into their mouth, and wear pigtails while “Daddy” fucks them. But being vulnerable and allowing another person to truly see you for who you are, a little girl, is a different story.

Being little is scary. It’s not just stuffies and sippy cups. It’s being completely open and vulnerable to getting hurt. Letting your “little” out could have damaging consequences (emotionally and relationally), if it is with the wrong person, need i say “fake Daddy Dom looking for a fucktoy to use but lack discipline and integrity”. With the right person, though, a true DD/lg relationship can be more fulfilling and wonderful than anything else in the world. There is such a strong bond between a Daddy and His little. The relationship is based on trust, respect, honesty, strength, wisdom, faith and love. It’s not just sex. It is a lifestyle. It is something that living without, would be like living without lungs.

When Daddy and i discovered D/s and DD/lg, it felt like we were breathing for the first time. Almost like a part of us had been asleep and was now awakened. There was no going back. Our truest selves were free, and we were ready to fly. Was everything easy? Hell no. We had so many trials and errors, fights, frustrations, shame, fear, jealousy, and so on. Honestly, even a vanilla relationship experiences all of these things. What makes a relationship strong is not about not fighting or messing up, it’s what you do with the lessons from those experiences that matters. Having complete open communication, unhinged trust, deep love, and unconditional respect are the keys.

For me, being little was something that i had been my whole life, without knowing the right words. i was extremely shy, desperate for love and acceptance, fearful of making final decisions, seeing the world through innocent eyes, not understanding why people would want to hurt each other, being hurt very easily, and wanting someone to help guide and nurture me. Of course, before meeting Daddy and discovering DD/lg, i could handle all of those issues on my own. But, i never knew why it never came easily to me and would often wonder if others had these issues as well. i learned over time how to cope and excel. i still seemed to always come in last on the grown up race. i wouldn’t say i was immature; just that i never felt “ready” for being an adult.

Being little is not about being incapable of life, but truly capable of submitting to someone. Someone that needs to Dominate, guide, nurture, and love; just as much as you need someone to submit to, be vulnerable with, and respect higher than any other. Being little should come natural. i do not mean letting just anyone see your “little” side, but with the right person, things just flow. You should feel free and natural. Being afraid is ok. Feeling forced is not ok. Everyone has their own identity, and life is too short to live as someone you are not.

Here are two lists:

Being little is:

  • Who you are
  • Being vulnerable
  • Being loved
  • Being guided
  • Being nurtured
  • Having an “inner little”
  • Needing someone
  • Being submissive
  • Being able to accept yourself
  • Being able to accept being owned
  • Scary
  • Rewarding
  • Accepting of direction
  • Accepting of punishments
  • Taking care of someone just as much as they care for you
  • Strength
  • FUN
  • Showing someone your weakness
  • Hard work
  • All about the other, because they are all about you
  • Trusting someone
  • Being there for someone
  • Commitment
  • Being open to new things
  • Being open to change
  • Depending on someone
  • Knowing how to laugh (even at yourself)
  • Allowing someone “in”
  • Trust that someone has your best interests at heart

Being little is not:

  • Forced
  • Being in charge
  • Having a sugar Daddy
  • All about sex
  • Being spoiled
  • Being useless
  • Being cared for, but offering nothing in return
  • All binkies and pigtails (but they are a perk)
  • All about you
  • A game
  • Being weak
  • Having Daddy issues (although there are littles that do, and that is okay)
  • Being excessively needy
  • Being independent
  • A free ride
  • Age-play (although MANY littles and Daddies are into it! We are!!!)
  • Being someone’s sex toy (it’s ok to be Daddy’s sex toy. What i mean is not JUST anyone’s sex toy)
  • Being immature
  • A phase you grow out of
  • Being used
  • Disgusting

It’s sad that people try to connect DD/lg to pedophilia. DD/lg is between two consenting adults (key word: “adults”). There is nothing wrong with a grown man being attracted to a grown woman who identifies as a little girl, and wears a tutu around the house having tea parties with her stuffies.

Trust your gut. If you feel like you are a little, then you are. No one can say otherwise. Being DD/lg is about what you make of it. Everyone has their own interpretation of the dynamic. Here is mine if you are interested: What is DD/lg to me. Like i always say, have fun and experiment with things! How will you know if you are someone (or something) if you never try. Do research. Have open, no-judgement talks with your partner. Play around, and see if you are into different kinks. i honestly believe that when your “thing” comes along, you will know it. Not only that, but you will never want to go back.

We would LOVE to hear what you have to say on this subject. Please leave a comment, on your opinion, of what it “takes” to be a little!!!

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  1. “For me, being little was something that i had been my whole life, without knowing the right words. i was extremely shy, desperate for love and acceptance, fearful of making final decisions, seeing the world through innocent eyes, not understanding why people would want to hurt each other, being hurt very easily, and wanting someone to help guide and nurture me. Of course, before meeting Daddy and discovering DD/lg, i could handle all of those issues on my own. But, i never knew why it never came easily to me and would often wonder if others had these issues as well. i learned through time how to cope and excel. i still seemed to always come in last on the grown up race. i wouldn’t say i was immature; just that i never felt “ready” for being an adult.”

    This really hit home! Felt all these things for many years. I remember my mother and her friends treating me like I was now one of them after I had children and me feeling so awkward still around them and like I was still a kid. I remember at parties always having more fun with the kids than the adults lol I always thought I just had a childlike soul but never understood fully. You are right, being a little is not something you can learn to be or fake to be…you are or you are not. For me it has been a curse and a blessing as being a little can hurt… A lot. I am so sensitive and emotional. I have felt lost in a world I find sooo cruel at times. Until… I met my Daddy! I cannot explain how suddenly everything changed. I know he will love and guide me through everything and discipline me when needed. I can breathe and I have a peace now like never b4. No, one cannot fake being a lil nor can one fake being a Daddy but when u truly are and find eachother it is Heaven on Earth. TY for this blog it was beautifully written. My Daddy and I enjoy your blog very much!!! We have a lot to learn as we are very new to all this and in researching we come across many blogs and articles some absolutely awesome! Some uh well not so awesome! This blog is truly one of our fav’s! Keep writing and thank you!

    • Very cool! I wish you both happiness as you discover what an awesome experience this lifestyle can be. Thank you so much for reading. We love writing these posts!

    • Omg i completely understand being hurt easily. i always say that words go straight to my heart, before ever reaching my head. It is hard to be so sensitive, especially when people do not understand.
      i am so happy you found your Daddy!!! It really is amazing how everything just “fits”, once you find that special someone. It’s like seeing the world black and white your whole life and then all of a sudden everything has color. i am so thankful everyday that i found my Daddy and He found me. i was truly lost without Him.
      Thanks for reading and please comment more! We love love love our readers!!!

  2. Question for Princess, and Princess’s Daddy, too, I suppose.
    Having suffered though foster care, a terrible adoption, sexual and physical abuse, and playing a huge part in my parents divorce, security is a huge thing to me. I crave stability and security and I always need to know where I stand with those I choose to be part of my life. This includes my relationship with a significant other. I always pictured myself being somebody’s partner, an equal, where he or she would be completely open with me about every single thing and vice versa. But that was before Dd/lg. My Daddy is a very private person. He always has been, since before I knew him if I understand correctly. He doesn’t really share financial information, he doesn’t seem to want to open up and be buddy buddy. I always thought it meant he didn’t want me as much as I wanted him, that it was because he didn’t think I was trustworthy or he wasn’t truly committed. But tonight as I was having a mini freak out, he asked me if I wanted to be his little or his partner. It really brought me up short because I never thought about the two as being two different things. It’s not that I thought they couldn’t be done together, I just never really took the time to think about it at all, really.
    My question for you is, does your Daddy take care of all of that on his own? Is it more of a burden for you to know everything about everything, including the Big stuff? I’m having a bit of a crisis trying to sort it out and wanted somebody else’s opinion. Our Daddies are kind of a parent figure, a guide, so to speak, and we’re, well, little. We do little things. Not being involved with Big things, is that part of our submission? Are partnership and being submissive two separate things? Is wanting to be a partner kind of ridiculous when I’m a little? I don’t mean I want to be less than my Daddy, but I do want him to be the Head of the Household. Does that mean I let him deal with the Big stuff and that’s that? Or can you be a submissive and completely on the same rung of the family ladder as well?
    Ugh. This was really long again. I need to figure out how to not be so long winded.

    • Cherry!!!!!! i love your question, soooooo much that i want to write a blog post about it! Keep a look out it will be finished in the next day or two! i promise that i am not forgetting you. This is such an important question, that i am sure other littles ask as well. you are so smart and your comments are always welcome no matter how long they are! Thanks for your patience!

  3. I read this and CRIED – I had no idea what I was until still recently and it was like a rushing feeling. Although I have spoke to other Doms they just didn’t fit at all.
    Frankly if I hadn’t met Mister I think I would be a different person. He is so understanding and is so good at explaining everything to me. I trust him 100% – which is HUGE for me as I have never felt that way towards anyone before.

    Initially he wasn’t supposed to be more than my Mister – but we have fallen in love with each other. I don’t call him Daddy just yet, but I do call him Da – which he is ok with and likes. But I love your blog and will be sending my little friends over to read it.

    • Calling your Dom “Da” is freaking adorable! i loooove it!

      Trust is huge for me. It seems anyone, including family, has broken my trust in a major way. When i met Daddy, i assumed it would be the same way and people in general were untrustworthy. Through time i have discovered that He is different and truly cares about keeping our foundation of trust strong and unbroken. We pride ourselves on complete 100% honesty. i still struggle with the nagging feeling that one day He will hurt me or up and leave. What helps is talking with Him about it, instead of just letting it grow inside my head. He assures me and puts the worry to rest. He never gets mad at me for those feelings, because He understands that they are deep rooted fears caused from past traumas and not Himself. (Thank You Daddy!!)

      i am so super happy that you have found that special someone and discovered were you belong. It was so hard not knowing why i was “different”, before knowing what D/s & DD/lg were. Knowing now, there is so much freedom and relief. It’s okay to be afraid of things, shy beyond belief, worries about making decisions, worry about everything… Now Daddy takes care of all of that for me! He keeps me safe, talks for me when i get nervous, makes well thought out decisions, and does ALL of the worrying for me. The best part is He was the opposite. He desired someone that was needy, someone to protect, someone who would see Him as their hero. Someone that would trust His decisions and show Him respect.

    • i agree 100%. If a Daddy Dom was a “pedophile” He would NOT be attracted to a woman that is childlike, He would be attracted to a child. A woman, even if fully dolled up with pigtails, binkie, and romper, would not “do it” for them.

      Pedophilia is disgusting and should be punishable by death, in my opinion.

      DD/lg is one of the purest forms of a BDSM relationship and is the farthest of the group from “abuse”. No, i am not saying BDSM, is abuse. Just that it is much gentler than say a Master/Slave relationship.

      “DD/lg is between two consenting adults (key word: “adult”). There is nothing wrong with a grown man being attracted to a grown woman who identifies as a little girl, and wears a tutu around the house having tea parties with her stuffies.”

      • i have to say something about this. There is a difference in having those desires and acting on them. i heard a piece on NPR about a teenage boy who started to realize he had those desires (sexual attraction toward children), that he did NOT want to act on them because he didn’t want to harm anyone, and that he needed help. He tried to talk to his therapist and she freaked out and judged him. His mom luckily was supportive and said we will find another therapist. He ended up starting an online support group for other teenage boys in that situation (a prerequisite of the group is that you commit to NEVER acting on it or harming a child in any way). Apparently sexual desire is pretty hard-wired for men and it is a cruel twist of fate to have those desires and know that your basic sexual orientation would deeply hurt others to act on. Can you imagine? It is something they would have to manage and live with their whole lives and not a lot of people would understand if they knew, even if they had never acted on it. If there wasn’t so much shame and condemnation, maybe more boys would get help with it and not end up acting on it as they grow up. i imagine that dealing with that would be so much easier with support and acceptance (of the person, not the act), and that feeling ashamed might lead you to some pretty dark places. Shame and condemnation doesn’t help anyone do the right thing. Just something to think about.

  4. I came across this very recently, I had been scrolling through ifunny with Daddy when we seen a picture about this particular relationship. It fits perfectly for us . I didn’t even know about this particular Dom/sub relationship. My Daddy and I have been in this relationship since day one without even knowing it. It was wonderful to read all the information and things you all had to share. It was all very helpfull.

    • That’s awesome! I’m happy for you guys!

      We were exactly the same way. We were caring for one another like we’d been like this all along, but were missing the label. It’s freeing to know where you fit and feel safe. For us, this worked. For others, I guess that’s up to the individual couple. But we love it and it’s awesome. It’s not even a choice anymore. It’s a part of who we are now.

  5. Pingback: How Do You Know… | baby girl's point of view

  6. I just got into the whole DD/lg dynamic and it has been amazing to discover this part of myself, thanks to this website which helped me realize what I am ? unfortunately I’m not surrounded by people in my life that would care to support or understand my lifestyle. I was wondering what are the best websites or forums to connect and make friends with other littles

  7. I feel like a little, but I wouldn’t wear diapers, or use a binky in my daily life. Do littles feel like a little all the time? Like, sometimes I’m a little but sometimes I want to do things on my own. I see myself throwing temper tantrums and sipping sippy cups and being an innocent child, wanting to be taken care up, but I don’t think I can do it all the time. is that normal? I feel like a little who’s bad at being a little…

    • Every little is different! We are like snowflakes, no two are alike. The best part about DD/lg is that it is whatever you want it to be as long as it is safe and between two consenting adults! i would encourage you to explore what you would like to be when you are in little mode, but also explore who you want to be in adult mode. There is no rules on how long or how often you are in little space. Please also read: What is DD/lg to me. xoxo

  8. Recently I have discovered that I am a little. And my boyfriend (hopefully soon to be Daddy) doesn’t know yet. I was just wondering how can I talk to him about it? I’m sort of shy about this sort of thing. He’s very understanding, but still I’m a bit nervous to open up. Any tips? <3

  9. Before i met my Daddy i had a baby last October and i met him six months later and its hard to be myself because i have to make a lot of decisions and since he just got into ddlg its hard, its really hard, mostly because i do hide and bottle my feelings up and i carry a lot of weight on my shoulders that its harder to let anyone in completely because im so scared of being hurt or neglected or alone. to be honest im scared of a lot and im scared all the time for the most part.

    • you definitely need to talk with your Daddy about your fears. Strong communication is the key to a healthy DD/lg relationship. i hope you can figure this out. That must be really hard dealing with those feelings alone. Congrats on your baby! xoxo

  10. I really like this. I just discovered the community when I got into a relationship with a new person. I’ve always felt child like, but I thought maybe I was just an adult who couldn’t grow up or anything. Even though I have my own child, I still feel like a child myself. Like I said, I thought I was weird or something and hid parts of me (coloring, special flatware, getting excited over hello Kitty, my need for guidance, etc) but discovering this I feel like I’m finally myself.

    • YAY!! Hi Marie. Welcome to the wonderful world of DD/lg. i am so excited you came to our blog and becoming a part of the CWP Community! i cannot wait to read more comments in the future! xoxo

  11. Daddy’s princess, This whole “little” thing is so adorable!! I love it! I am new to bsdm & I am implicated by your lifestyle choice. I have learned so much from websites & blogs about bsdm. I actually was first introduced to it after watching 50 shades of grey & was dying to learn more about this lifestyle. I did some research & I decided that I wanted to become a part of the bsdm lifestyle choice & was considering being a “little”!! I love the idea of never having to worry about “big things” like bills, money, or jobs. & I also still have (always have) somewhat of a little person inside of me that is dying to come out. I loooove cartoons, & snacks & naps, & bubble baths, & being & pampered & told what to do, (both sexually & non-sexually) & I also have so many stuffed animals you wouldn’t believe it! Omg I just love the idea of having a daddy!!! I think It’s pretty obvious by now that I have never experienced being a “little” but you make having a daddy sound so comforting & reassuring. When I came across this option I questioned if it was for me. I have had issues in the past when it comes to security. & I have an even deeper past when it comes to trustworthiness & being able to rely on someone. While I am considering being willingly submissive, how do I know that I won’t be forced to do things that I don’t want to? How will I find the PERFECT daddy for me? How will I know that it’s meant to be? I wish to someday find the perfect relationship between me & my future dom that you & you’re daddy have. i am just so delighted thinking about having a future with a daddy of my own!

  12. This was so helpful. I need a little help. I discovered ddlg on a site and honestly this is the first time ive looked it up for real. Im not sure if this is the life fpr me but being a little seems comforting. I hope someday I’ll figure out if this is best for me or not. But in the end, your piece inspires me to find out more. Thank you.

  13. I so felt this. I am very new to the community and terminology (like, less than a week in) but as soon as my husband (husdom) discovered it, we knew it was exactly what we needed. I have always been a little. I just took it as stunted growth and immaturity at worst (due to having been rushed into maturity in my childhood), I felt compelled to act out, to be childish, but also to enjoy the innocent beauty of things and the joy of effortless fun. We had been fighting a lot, and the more I lashed out, the more nervous he became around me. It dawned on me after a lapse into craving self harm that I was lacking discipline and stability, and respect for my partner. I came across an article about Brat Taming and sent it to him. As soon as I gave my consent for him to punish me for my disrespect and bad behavior, everything changed. It was like a huge weight had been lifted off our shoulders. Our love blossomed, our stress diminished and we’ve become, ironically, more productive adults. I had been repressing the natural urges I had, and he had been stifled in his attempts to nurture me, which put us both in a vice. Now that we are comfortable with the dynamic, things couldn’t be better. I am so excited to live my little life with my amazing wonderful daddy and I’m only sad we didn’t find it earlier. Thanks for writing this, it’s good to hear others perspectives and know that I’m not alone.
    Can’t wait to go play in the dirt this weekend!!! 😀 ❤

  14. Hi, I think this is lovely.
    I dont have a partner. My friend introduced. Me to ddlg, everything about It mesmerizes me, makes me feel warm inside as I read each and every different posts.

    I dont know what ddlg. Means to me cause o havent really have a chance to try out the waters. I read about littles and what they like to do and I relate with them so much. I love cartoon always have, I love my stuffed lion, can’t sleep with out him, and I used to take h to work and stuff with me as I comfort in cause I get anxious, if I do get anxious I rub my lions ears and it calms me down. I love to draw and colour. And get in my on see or nighty and relax with a Disney film .

    I had to grow up before I was ready to. And now I feel lost And so unsure about myself. I dont know what to do.