I have been in the lifestyle for about two years; and during that time I have put a lot of effort into becoming educated in the lifestyle, which has included reading widely, as well as online submissive classes. I also benefited from some experienced submissives that helped me out a lot. This all helped me understand what I was looking for, and also means I am always happy to reciprocate by offering advice to others as my knowledge has grown. During this time, I had two short-term real life relationships. The first was very new to the lifestyle, and was more of a Daddy than a Daddy Dom (which is what I really wanted), so there was no point in my continuing that relationship. The second was more of a play-partner, which I knew up-front. He was an experienced Sensual Dom, and he introduced me to some light bondage as well as sensual spanking.
After a lot of browsing online, I discovered the FetLife community; which is actually where I finally met my Daddy. I did this by posting adverts in FetLife groups that allow it. I made sure that the ads were seeking the type of Daddy Dom that I wanted. My ads were very specific and informative, and also pointed back to my FetLife profile. Between my ads and profile I clearly stated who and what I was, that I wanted a partner for a long term, possibly 24/7, relationship, and I included some indications of my likes and limits as well as some appropriate photos. I then had to scrutinize the responders that I got private messages from, and be very picky about those I decided to continue to talk to.
I had many responses before my Daddy contacted me. His message was respectful, and he had a full and interesting profile that seemed like a possible match, so we talked more. After that, it was very like any online meeting that is developing towards real life. We chatted online, eventually shared phone numbers, and chatted for hours; and the connection just seemed to grow. By the time we met, it was really just to confirm the chemistry was there in real life (and it was), so I am now excited to have submitted to my Daddy Dom and to be learning more about myself and what our connection really means!
My suggestion to you all, is that the more specific your ads and profile, the higher the chance that you will find what you are looking for. For example, you should include things like:
- The title you use to describe yourself can tell a potential partner a lot about you. It helps to be as accurate as you can. I describe myself as a submissive babygirl, and say clearly that I am not a little.
- Be as clear as you can be about how you identify in the lifestyle, without unnecessarily closing off options. Are you a little, a middle or a babygirl who doesn’t age regress?
- Look carefully at how any potential Daddy identifies himself, and see how good a fit he might be. Know what types of Daddy are likely to be good for you.
- Most of us have many layers, and that is true in the lifestyle too. Adding additional traits can help.
- So, are you also submissive? Or, do you just seek the nurturing?
- Are you a masochist, or not? At least indicate your pain tolerance/pleasure level with pain. This impacts whether you seek a sadist or a sensual Dom (or something in between) to balance your submissive side. I am not into severe pain, so I clearly stated no sadists.
- What age range of Daddy are you OK with?
- Does location matter? Are you willing to relocate?
- Do you want online-only, or real life?
- Are you seeking a play partner, or a long term relationship?
- Do you want a monogamous relationship only, or would you consider polyamorous?
- Give an indication of your openness to kinky play, with some idea of likes/dislikes/limits/fetishes/etc. For a successful partner, you both want some common ground about the type of play that you enjoy.
- Photos are important. If you’re looking longer term, then less exhibitionist is probably better. If you’re looking for a play partner, showing something more of what you offer might help. The type of Daddies/Doms that respond to you will vary with your choice of photos.
Meeting your Daddy can be approached online or in real life. Events, such as local munches, can help you meet real people; although it can help to find someone to accompany you the first time or two. Or, like me, it is OK to start online and explore how compatible you are before meeting. You should also research carefully how to manage a first meeting with someone you have only known online. It is exciting, but you need to stay safe,too.
With regards to online meeting places, it is best to at least target those that are kink-friendly; such as FetLife or CollarSpace (both are free). FetLife is a BDSM community (more than a dating site), and as such has a lot of great advice available; but you can only post ads in certain groups that support that. CollarSpace is more of a conventional dating site; but aimed at BDSM. There are obviously a lot of vanilla dating sites out there, ranging from very vanilla to some level of adult content accepted. Examples might include sites from Match.com to OKCupid, PlentyOfFish and AdultFriendFinder. The downside of all of these is that, whilst some at least might tolerate a profile stating Dom or sub tendencies, none of them target the lifestyle.
Finally, let me just say good luck with your search. I recommend you read and learn as much as you can. Don’t rush, and never settle. The right Daddy is out there for you, if you can just be patient finding him.
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