Hi! I just have a quick question. Recently, me and my boyfriend of 8 months have been in a happy and refreshing DD/Lg relationship and honestly I couldn’t be happier. He is the kindest and most perfect Daddy I’ve ever had. But…there is a slight problem on my part. Daddy becomes frustrated with it as well but not too much. My problem is that I have a hard time saying my limits or saying no when certain things happen. For example, I’m slightly bratty which daddy doesn’t mind but at times I get out of hand and when punishment is dealt, (spanking,timeout,etc.) sometimes it really hurts, either physically or emotionally but I can never say it aloud or let him know. It has caused some arguments and worry. I come from a very abusive and sad childhood and I was raised to think that my pain, my problems should always be silent and I should worry more about the welfare of others. So when daddy overdoes spankings, I end up crying and not saying our safe word and he feels so guilty. All because of my issue of not speaking up. Daddy does his best to please me and discipline me, but when I don’t say anything because I feel like it impedes, it becomes a problem. We’re a very happy couple and I am thankful he is in my life so my question is : how can I help myself speak up to my daddy whenever I feel hurt either physically,mentally,or emotionally without feeling guilt or like it could possibly bother him? What are things I can do to help build up my speech problems with Daddy? I appreciate any help and even now, I feel guilty for voicing this issue and I feel like I’m impeding. I hope not. I’m sure if I was raised differently this wouldn’t be a problem but I had no control over that, so I’m trying now to work on it and honestly I’ve followed you guys and read so much from you that I feel like maybe I can trust you guys to help. I understand if you can’t. Thank you! ? ~ princesseli
Learning how to communicate is sooooooo important. The crazy thing about it, is that your ability to communicate effectively with your partner is forever evolving. No one is ever done learning how to communicate, because everyday life changes, and people grow. When you are in a Daddy Dom/little girl relationship, communication is not only necessary, but vital for a healthy, strong foundation. Without that foundation, trust, respect and love have nothing to stand on.
Daddy and i are always working on finding better ways to communicate in a way that we both feel heard and understood. Daddy tells me often, “How can I make good decisions with bad information?” He needs me to be open and honest about how i am feeling, and what is going on with me in order for Him to make good, loving decisions. If i am not being open and honest, He will make a decision based on what little information i did give Him. It is unfair for me to be upset or blame Him for making a decision that i didn’t want; especially when i was providing bad information about how i truly felt.
Every little needs to find her voice so that her Daddy can be a good Daddy to her. There is no worse feeling for a Daddy, than the feeling of failure. When you hold back and hide your true feelings, you are essentially setting Him up to fail. As a little, the last thing you want is to be the one to hurt your Daddy Dom. This one area where we can literally give Him to answers to His success. This does not mean that you will get everything you want, just because you talked about it. What it means, is that your Daddy will now have all the information from Himself and you, in order to make a well-thought-out, smart decision. He does not take decisions lightly, and puts a lot of effort in being the best in every area of His life; especially being a top-notch Daddy Dominant.
There are many ways to communicate with your Daddy that you can play around with, and find what works best for your relationship. First, be honest, and let your Daddy know that you are struggling with communication. Ask Him for suggestions and help with keeping you accountable in speaking up about how you are feeling. Then, work together on building the trust and strength to let Him in on your truest thoughts.
Ways to Communicate With your Daddy Dom
- Start a Journal
Have a very special journal that you write all of your thoughts, troubles, frustrations, hopes, dreams, and anything that you want to just get out. That journal should be 100% open for your Daddy to read. Set rules and boundaries, so that you do not become fearful of being truly honest. Rules like: No getting upset about what princess writes in her journal. No sharing information from her journal with friends, family, or blog readers unless given permission. When you write down how you are feeling every day, you will start to open up more and more easily. This way, your Daddy will know everything going on with His little girl, without her having to work up the courage to talk about the hard stuff.
- Write Him a Letter
Use an actual pen and paper. It will mean more to you, and to Him. Something changes when you physically write; where your brain connects with the emotion(s) that you are freeing your mind from by placing them permanently on paper. The best part is, you can write and rewrite until it is exactly what you want to say!
- Turn Off the Lights
This is a big one for me. By simply turning out the lights, it is a little less scary talking with Daddy about tough topics. i like to talk on car trips at night. Something about the dark just opens me up.
- Have a weekly Open Meeting
We have talked about this one before. Basically, set up a day each week to have a meeting. At the meeting, you are not Dom/sub, and are on equal playing fields. This meeting is a safe place to talk about issues and struggles that each person is dealing with. There is no judgement, and nothing said can be used against each other after the meeting (for example, in a fight later on). Daddy and i like to give each other three sticky notes. On each note, there is one thing we would like the other person to work on during the week until the following meeting.Examples:
Try not to over-talk Me or interrupt, try to always kiss me good morning and good night, help me stay focused on projects with work, etc.
- Play a Game
Make it fun! Play a game of truth, where each of you get to ask the other five (5) truths. The questions can be as fun or as serious as you would like. Once you start opening up to each other this way, opening up in the future will feel safer. Try to be as honest as possible, and listen with an open heart.
- Have Nightly Chats
Make it a nightly tradition to talk with each other about your day, and how you are doing personally. Allow time to listen and discuss ways to help each other with problems or decisions. Doing this nightly will build habit. Once it is a habit, the fear of opening up about deeper things will dissipate naturally over time.
i hope any of this is helpful to you. If anyone has a suggestion or comment please leave it below. Daddy and i love reading what you guys have to say and your amazing stories!!! xoxo