This post is going to be an interesting one; because, frankly, we hadn’t ever intended on writing about it. One of our favorite commenters “Cherry Bomb” commented on a recent article about why we capitalize or lowercase references to one another in our writings. While it may not be for everybody, it works for us; and it shows in what we put up for people to read. Hopefully this helps clear up why we do this, and maybe inspire new/different/creative protocols for you in your own relationship!
I suppose we should start off with the conversation first. Here’s how it went down (summarized):
Why don’t you capitalize your name and “I”‘s, Princess? I know you capitalize your Daddy’s pronouns so I’m assuming the “i” is a sub thing. I try to remember to capitalize “Daddy” and “He,” too, but my mom has a masters degree in English and impressed proper grammar on us so leaving I’s lowercase drives me nuts. ? Is it a sub thing? ~ Cherry Bomb
Capitalizing His name and using lower case on myself was one of the first protocols Daddy enforced and has stuck ever since! ~ Daddy’s princess
It just seems mean. Degrading, I guess. Like he’s saying you’re less than he is. Even if he’s in charge that doesn’t make you less of a person. Proper nouns get capitalized. It seems like he’s telling you you’re not important enough to be a proper noun. ~ Cherry Bomb
Let me first say that we don’t hold any bad feelings against Cherry for saying this. We really do learn a lot from everyone all around us, and if you have comments (even if they don’t line up with our own views or opinions), you’re entirely welcome to share them. We may not necessarily agree with you…but that’s the wonder of a Daddy Dom/little girl, Dominant/submissive, or Master/slave relationship; you can do whatever you collectively decide on! When you first get together, your relationship is whatever you both want it to be between the two of you. Poly? That’s cool…you just have more people to agree to everything at the start, but it’s the same idea. A relationship like this requires rules, and everyone should be on the same page.
We’ve mentioned this before, but here is a little background on us for those that haven’t read some of the older articles. We met as a vanilla couple, and fell in love. Eventually, maybe a year in, we started having some relational issues, and weren’t sure what was going on. We then read a book called Love and Respect (yes, a Christian book; maybe not for everyone), and it ended up being a game changer for us. It talked about how the man needs “respect”, and the woman needs “love”, in order to both feel truly fulfilled in the relationship. That led to further research, which led us to explore our kinks, and we discovered D/s (Dominance and submission). It wasn’t until 6 months after that, we discovered DD/lg.
Now, we’re not necessarily one or the other. That’s why some of the articles we write aren’t specifically DD/lg. This is not just a DD/lg blog, it’s a blog about so much more. Here’s what our tagline says on every page of the website:
A blog about Dom/sub, DD/lg, BDSM, kink, fetish & More
I only mention this, because I want our readers to know that we aren’t necessarily the everyday DD/lg couple. Our relationship is still heavily rooted in D/s. Does that mean our writings are invalid to DD/lg couples? Certainly not. DD/lg is simply another form of a power exchange relationship. It’s rooted in D/s as well, in a round-about way. In a DD/lg relationship, you have a top, and you have a bottom. And, hopefully, both parties in the relationship agreed to soft and hard limits at the beginning of the relationship. Or, even better, are constantly working together to revise and “perfect” the limits. We certainly do. We have frequent meetings to safely bring up issues that either of us sees, and it’s an open forum, “no holds barred” way of getting honest feedback about our power exchange relationship in the open. From there, we revise and tweak; with full intention of having to do so again in the future.
So, why do we lowercase “princess” or uppercase “Daddy” when we refer to each other? My princess and I were just talking one day at the beginning of our Dom/sub relationship, and we both thought it was a good idea. It really isn’t more complicated than that. We talked about it as an idea, and mutually agreed it sounded like a good idea. For us, it made sense. Is it “mean”? We don’t think so; and honestly, everyone who reads our blog already does this on a very basic level, anyways. Let’s look at the following examples of power exchange relationships for a moment:
Notice how the dominant roles are all uppercase, and the submissive roles are lowercased? At its core, that’s how we came up with this between each other. Yes, it requires additional effort to type or write in this way; but we feel it’s worth it. Doing this is a constant reminder (to both of us) as a reenforcement of our role or position, and of our responsibilities to the other. As princess’ Daddy Dom (and Dominant partner [and very recently Fiancé]), I’m constantly reminded of my duty to:
- Care for my little/submissive
- Look after her
- Get her the things she needs
- Work hard in life, so that I may provide for her as needed
- Know everything about her
- Catch her when she falls
For her, it’s a constant reminder that she is Mine, and that I cherish her above all else. That I would do anything for her, and protect her from anything. Simply put, that’s the reason she chooses to submit in the first place. If she didn’t trust Me, we wouldn’t have (or be able to have) the power exchange that we do.
Everything about a relationship like this relies on trust. Without trust, it’s dead. We can attempt to mend and heal, but once we lose trust, it’s like little “trust scars” on our hearts that will be there forever. It’s because of this, that I’m constantly earning her trust, and even put her above Myself in some ways. While I’m her top, she’s My “top priority”. Everything else falls into place.
Some people would say that lowercasing like this isn’t fair. I would respectfully say that they are wrong. Because what works for us, and is agreed-upon by us for our relationship, may not necessarily be a good fit for another’s relationship. It’s what the “two of you” want, that defines how your own power exchange relationship will work. Nobody can tell you any different, or how to run your own relationship.
Cherry, we love you! ♥
This wasn’t at all intended as a weird “calling out”, or anything like that. It was a really good question, and we needed to address some of these issues for all readers after some other challenging comments we’ve recently received. It’s refreshing to take a step back, and look at these things like “what works for us, isn’t necessarily how others have constructed their own relationship”. It’s critical. No two DD/lg relationships are exactly the same. What we write is intended to give a window into our life, in hopes that it helps someone. We sure don’t expect everyone who reads our blog to start modeling every aspect of their own power exchange dynamic to ours. We merely aim to inspire!