These past months have been extremely stressful, and one of the most difficult times for me as a person…ever. A parent passing, another diagnosed with cancer, a depressed child (who’s father left him recently) and deciding suicide might be something worth considering (avoided, by the way). It’s been an unreal year in a lot of ways.
Thank you all so much for your patience during our extended silence! We’ve both missed you, and really want to keep writing again.
Myself and princess have been going through a bit of a long rough patch (in case you hadn’t gathered that from her earlier post). She has been feeling unappreciated, neglected, and generally lost in life. I only want the best for my little girl. A lot of that has been my fault, and I am both regretful and thankful that we are where we are. Allow me to explain.
On one hand, I’ve neglected her as her Dominant and Daddy. Often, I’m working late hours at work in somewhat of a recreation of my career. I come at a later-than-ideal hour (often), and when I do get home…I’m beat. Completely exhausted, to the point I can barely function with anything else tossed on top of my day. It has felt impossible at times to focus on DD/lg or the general day-to-day Dom/sub aspects of our life. I don’t punish and reward anymore. I have done just enough to get by.
On the other hand, I’m thankful that we are awarded these glimpses into our lives earlier on than otherwise. Because we’re so in tune with our relationship, we’re able to course correct, and right the ship in the correct direction. It’s time for work. But nobody ever said this would be easy! We are managing ourselves, our relationship, our D/s and DD/lg dynamics, and parenting four children at the same time. And believe me, they take a great deal of our energy in the summer!
To start, we’re going to start by prioritizing distraction-free time with each other. It doesn’t matter if it’s Daddy and little. It doesn’t matter if she’s submissive, or if I’ve planned ahead and structured the night. What matters is that we’re simply spending time together. After all, it’s a relationship, right? We all pretty much know this. It’s just hard to see sometimes.
Next, I’ve neglected my perfect little’s dreams and aspirations. We’ve talked about continuing education several times; and each time there was some excuse or reason for it to not happen. So we would put it on hold. Part of that is personally (and selfishly) tied to my past; where my ex wife was working on a degree in nursing. She would be gone extremely long nights (2-3AM, for example), and eventually caught her in a lie with one of her study groups where she was untruthful about the person she was with (another man), and his sexual orientation. Trust was broken, and ever since I’ve suspected cheating. Then days later, she mysteriously wanted a divorce. Go figure.
What does this have to do with princess, and my over-protection of her time and who she spends her time with? My jealously and insecurity, of course. We’ve talked about it together, and she knows where I stand emotionally on the topic. But really, she needs to be able to break free and live her dream as well. It started with her loving the special tower I setup for her. I would provide everything, and cater to every need. But am I really, now? Not anymore.
The reality is that I need her to dream. I need her to love what she does, and I need to see that spark in her eye. She was free when I found her, and I fell in love with her personality. We’ve drifted from that. She’s scared to talk to me, because she feels I’ll shut her out. Feelings that she’s constantly letting me down, or that I’m not proud of her. Feeling like she doesn’t matter, and crying because I used to participate and lead like she was the single-most important person in the world. I’ve been forcing my dreams onto her, instead of letting hers grow so that I can experience them with her. She needs to be able to find herself, too. I’ve never stopped loving her or caring. I think I just lost sight of what’s really important.
Those are my transgressions, and areas I want to work on. She knows all of this, and we’re trying on both sides. There really is a weird lifecycle to the love and respect thing, too. I’ve slacked off big time with showing her love in all the right ways she needs, and we’ve ended up in disagreements and fights due to me feeling a lack of respect. Some of you don’t agree with us 100% on that, and you’re entitled to your own opinion. It’s not a Christian thing (although the Love & Respect book is written from that perspective); but it’s true. I can attest to it. I’ve witnessed it, and experienced it over and over again. When I’m putting in my effort to truly show her love in her way, she “naturally” reciprocates with the right kind of respect I need (and everybody’s happy). Rant over.
We’re happy with each other, and she’s still my perfect little girl. I can’t imagine having anyone else by my side, navigating the craziness of life with day after day. We’re constantly changing, and it’s refreshing we can take an inward look at how we’re doing at any time to get back on track. We’re in a loving D/s and DD/lg relationship, but it’s hard to imagine how we’ll get that right if we haven’t gotten the core components of a relationship right first.
Do any of you have a similar story to share? Let us know in the comments!