DD/lg, Dominance, Questions, Submission, Trust & Respect

What do I do with an LDR Un-submissive submissive

To whom it may concern, Hello, I’m a Daddy Dom living very far away from my precious Little. As our relationship goes, things are very good, save for a few things that I just can’t shake. I have a few questions and problems that I’m hoping to have answered and solved. We’ve been together for about a year and a half now, and it’s been an amazing ride for the both of us. Actually, the idea of us being in a DD/LG relationship wasn’t even thinkable until about a month ago. We started following the ideas, and she decided she would like to be my little, and I couldn’t have been happier. I love my Kitten to death, before this kink even found it’s way to us, and I’m very fair and loving and caring. We live very far from one another, across the United States almost entirely. This means that there is no actual contact, which we sort of take care of by by role-playing over text. This also means, my punishments as a Daddy Dom are nearly useless, and my attempts at achieving an actual Domination over her just as useless. I find myself trying to be dominant, and I’m met with tears, anger, or quiet. Sometimes she will even go out of her way to express it by backing away from me via role-play. I feel like a monster, an evil villain, other things like that. My girl is not into spankings, kinky sex, or submitting to my authority. She hates spankings (they aren’t even real for fucks sake) more than anything, and any and all of my punishments are ignored. I feel like a useless Dom serving only to role-play as someone to spoil her, which I did before all of this. My main concern is that I’m just being selfish and cruel, expecting more submissive behavior where none is expected. After all, it’s just text, and that’s what scares me. I wan’t to know what I can do better to make my little feel more like she needs to do as I say over the distance, and not make her hate me. Thank you very much for reading, and if this letter makes very little sense or feels mixed or poorly written, it’s because my emotions are currently getting the better of me and I can barely think as it is. Regards, A Concerned and Unsure Daddy Dom ~ Panther

i am sorry You are having such a hard time with Your little. i do not like to judge situations without being in them, but with what information You have provided, i will do my best to help out. To me, it sounds like she is only in this relationship for herself. A little is another form of submissive. Submissive behavior is not about receiving gifts from your Dom and being spoiled. It is about what you can do to serve your Dom. It is their only job, and believe me…it is a big job.

You should send her information on what it means to be a submissive. If the two parties cannot meet the others’ needs, it’s going to be a very bumpy road in the relationship. More importantly, the power exchange dynamic. That said, someone who loves another will do just about anything in their power to show love and respect to the other person. You are not a bad person for wanting her to follow Your rules. You’re a Dom at your core, and for her to ignore that wouldn’t be right. The heart of this type of relationship relies on each person doing their part.

i hope this helps. You sound like You are trying to do all of the right things. You deserve happiness and someone who loves You, but also someone who will serve you. It seems like a good time to have a serious discussion about the parameters of the relationship, what each person wants to gain out of it, etc.

Please leave comments and opinions. We love to hear what everyone has to say. Has anyone been in a situation like this that can help?? xoxo

Also here are some links that might be helpful for the two of you:

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2 thoughts on “What do I do with an LDR Un-submissive submissive”

  1. Ena says:

    I agree with the advice you gave Daddy Dom with prescious little far away . I am naturally submissive and disappointing my love is more painful than the crop .

    1. Daisy says:

      I wouldn’t normally comment on a post about this lifestyle as I am very new to it, but my newness in this situation might be useful so I thought I would give it a go and share my experience. I started to explore my submissive side in January this year with online play and was very fortunate to meet someone that I’ve developed a very special connection with. We met and started exploring the Daddy/ little side of our relationships 3 months ago, all of our communication is online via text and photos. The ‘’rules’’ that Daddy has for me have developed slowly and organically over the last 3 months, Daddy was in charge when it came to the sexy stuff, but we talked about likes and dislike and that is a conversation that never really ends, he feels me out about things that are on his mind and we have had conversations about no go areas for both of us. Looking back I don’t think I would have coped well with a lot new rules all at once, my first rule aside from Daddy being in charge when we played was that I was not to wear panties to bed. That rule came about 6 weeks into our relationship and I was really ready for it. That was our only rule for about another six weeks and it was erotic for the both of us and we really enjoyed the conversations that went on around that. I guess what I am saying here is that you guys sound like you have a special connection, a year and a half is no small thing for a long distance couple, I wonder if taking a step back, slowing things down and talking about what you both want/need/desire from this dynamic would be useful. It sounds like this is something you both wanted but somewhere along the way it’s not working out quite as you both planned. I personally didn’t plan on moving at a slow pace, but I did tell Daddy that I didn’t want to eat all of the chocolates in the box all at once, I wanted to eat them slowly and savour them one at a time. This has meant that I could enjoy each step and also process the feelings I’ve had along the way- which have been much more complex than any vanilla relationship I’ve ever had.

      I thought I would also comment on my little side, my little only comes out to play when I feel very safe, Daddy had absolutely no say in when he saw my little side and he’s never indicated that he wanted to control that. This is a special side of myself that I share with Daddy when I feel safe enough to do so, not because that is what I made a conscious decision to do, it’s just that I really only just met this side of myself and I am learning about her as much as Daddy is. Initially my little would make brief appearances and then if I was uncertain or confused about the slightest thing then she would be gone. Over time as I have felt more certain of our relationship my little has explored more, and she’s found a Daddy that loves to embrace my little side. Now we have reached a point when my little is out and about all the time. I have a sticker chart that I asked Daddy for and when I do special things for him he awards me gold stars and when I have 50 I get a treat, this weekend he’s taking me on a virtual special date. We normally take turns to host our date nights (Daddy always takes charge of the sexy part) we take each other on trips to places we have visited…one of the benefits to online dating 🙂

      I know there are a lot of different Daddies and littles out there, I am sure with some talking and some reading you guys will find what works for you. My advice would be take it slow and enjoy the process and most importantly each other. All the best. This guy has a great blog- well worth a look and his lady also has one too. http://lovemysub.tumblr.com/

      Daisy

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