I’ve been reading your blog for the past couple of months. I have become a Daddy Dom a week or so before reading your blog. My girlfriend and I have been a DD/lg relationship since we got together and established rules and punishments and rewards. But this past Friday she engaged with inappropriate behavior with a guy on the internet and sent him naked pictures of herself. I really need some help because I don’t want to lose her but I need her to know that she hurt me and my trust with her. Please help. ~ Dylan
First of all i want to say thank you for reading our blog! We love sharing our world with our readers. Second, i am very sorry for what You are going through. Any form of betrayal can be heart-wrenching. That empty pit starts to form inside of you, and it grows minute-by-minute with questions, anger, sadness, and brokenness. Right now, it seems like you will be lost inside forever. i PROMISE that over time and with healing, the blackness will diminish and You will feel like You can breathe again. Will the hurt always be there? Not always, but there will be a scar and over time it will fade.
The biggest question i have when reading this is, “was she cheating?” If it was never mentioned or even hinted that the two of you were exclusive, then it could just be an honest mistake. In that scenario, she couldn’t have known that You wouldn’t be ok with what she did. But if there was ever a conversation about fidelity (or boundaries set) that prohibited communication with the opposite sex, then yes, she was absolutely cheating. You do not need to have physical contact with someone to have an affair. Affairs always happen in your head first; and then through communication and “harmless” flirting, before you know it, you are ankle deep in a full-blown sexual affair.
“Little allowances make room for huge mistakes. ~ Unknown“
Having “The Talk”
In a relationship, you should never be afraid to tell someone how you are feeling. If they do something that pisses you off or hurts you, it is only fair that you let them know. Otherwise it becomes completely unfair for everyone involved. You end up getting mad at them, and they have no clue why; so they end up thinking you are just mean and unloving. You should always give the other person a chance to fix their mistake.
Saying “I want to tell her that she hurt me, but i am afraid of losing her” brings up a whole new topic. If you do not talk to the person about hurting you, are you willing to live with that behavior over and over (and over) again. Then, when you do hit your limit of how many times they can hurt you before you say something, isn’t it going to confuse the other person because you allowed it for so long? It is always best to bring up an issue at the start, before it puts a wall between you both. It is also important to point out that if a person is willing to leave you because you need to communicate about how their actions are affecting you, they really are not all that committed to you in the first place.
It’s time to sit down with your little and have the talk. Explain that her actions hurt you deeply. Allow her to explain herself in a respectful manner, and legitimately listen to her. Did she not know that it was “off limits” to be in contact with other men? Did she intentionally go behind your back in a coercive manner? Is she willing to change? Are You willing to forgive and heal the broken trust?
Establishing New Rules and Boundaries
During the talk, it is time to bring up your new rules and boundaries. If it helps, write them down so that neither of you will forget them. Set clear boundaries of what you will allow, and what you will not. Be very clear and direct, so that there will be no confusion, and answer any questions that she may have. You are her Dom. Your job is to teach and train her to be pleasing to You, and to help her become a confident woman that is safe to allow herself to be little.
Every little who loves their Daddy has the insatiable desire to please Him. Now that there are clear rules and boundaries with agreed-upon punishments, she will have a road map to making You proud. This is where it comes between two choices, that both of you will need to answer and agree on.
- You can work together to heal the broken trust, and learn to move on
- You can agreeably walk away, so that you can both find a relationship in which you can both be happy
Daddy and i have VERY clear rules about what is, and is not, allowed. We have evaluated and evolved the rules to fit our current situation and how we are doing emotionally. Neither of us ever want to leave any room for trust to be violated. We’ve had to learn through trial and error what worked and what didn’t. Below are a few of our rules that could help get you started. Just remember, we are in a TPE (total power exchange) relationship; so not all of these will match each couples’ situation.
- Never be alone with someone of the opposite sex. If it is unavoidable, such as a client meeting or work situation, meet in a public place or with the office door open.
- All communication with someone of the opposite sex is allowed to be monitored or read at any time by either of us.
- Before deleting texts, Daddy must be consulted. Thankfully, He shows me the same courtesy.
- There are no secrets between us (even about little stuff), and we know each other’s friends.
- Talking with someone of the opposite sex must be approved by Daddy.
- All passwords to email, computers, social media, and phones are shared with each other.
- Questions are always allowed to be asked of the other person without fear of punishment.
- Daddy has the right to revoke privileges of social media and friends at His discretion.
- A text of when you leave the house and when you arrive at a destination is mandatory.
- Daddy’s permission must be given before His princess can leave the house, unless it is an emergency or pre-approved.
- Daddy owns princess’s body, and it is for His eyes only.
Healing Broken Trust & Moving On
If Your little girl is willing to work with you on fixing her mistake, then it’s time to heal the broken trust. In the beginning, you will both feel cautious and untrusting of the other; that is normal. Once trust has been violated, it takes a while to build that foundation up again. It will be unsteady and shaky at first, but over time it will begin to become solid and strong again. Don’t forgive and forget. Forgive and remember the lesson that was learned from the mistake, to make you both better people for your future together.
If you are the one who violated the trust, be prepared for a wave of emotions from the other person, and allow your partner to heal at their own pace. As long as they are actively healing and not holding on to the past, they need as much time as they need. There is no predefined time limit for this, and you cannot rush them. During this time of healing, it is a perfect time to evaluate yourself and how you can be a better Dom/sub. Commit yourself to finding ways to protect yourself (and your partner) from something like this ever happening again. Love and patience are going to be your main goals during this time.
If you are the one who was hurt, you have to resolve to commit yourself 100% to the healing process. If you are not all-in, you will never be able to move on. I am not talking about moving on as if nothing ever happened, but moving on in a direction that is positive and hopeful for your future together. If you stay with the person who hurt you, you cannot hold it over their head in every fight that happens later on. Throwing it back at them as ammo will cause you both extreme pain and hurt. It will bring all of those old feelings into the present, crushing the new foundation that you have both been working on.
Can you ever bring it up again? YES! You will need to. The pain will come in waves. One day you will feel great, and the next, some small thing will set you back, and you will both need to talk about it. Go to your partner and ask if they will sit and talk with you. Explain how you are feeling, and ask that they comfort you, and assure you that you are both committed to the relationship and growing together. Do your best to leave blame out of this conversation, and instead, talk about how you both “feel”. Blaming will only cause their defenses to go up and fill them with shame. Healing can only happen when open, respectful communication and honesty flow from each other.
i really hope that this answers your question Dylan, and that it helps give you some information to base your decision on. You are worth having a healthy loving respectful relationship. If Your little is the one for You, then things will work themselves out through commitment, communication, and well-set boundaries. If she isn’t the right one, and refuses to change, love her enough to let her go. Then, dust Yourself off, and know that there is a perfect little for You just waiting to be found! No one deserves to be in an unhappy relationship; her included.
Please leave comments below! i know Dylan would love to hear everyone’s opinions and ideas of how they would handle this situation. xoxo